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fixalvarez
Jesus Andrada
Philippines, Mandaluyong City

Words: 241
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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NERD ADVISE

So lowly you're self-impression
That you impose no aggression
You receive so much oppression
But give matters no attention

Do you look for someone to blame?
Whenever you are put to shame
Not invited to play a game
Unable to talk to a dame

You think you're born with that problem
As if that lowly face an emblem
That must always look so solemn
So you beg to differ from them

Man was never meant to suffer
And be treated like a leper
Spice up yourself to be better
Like meat with a dash of pepper

They may say you're a 'trying-hard'
But you're simply laying you're card
Don't let them treat you a bastard
Fix yourself don't look so haggard

Ask them their stories don't tell yours
Or you will kill them with a bore
If you really want a good score
Open up their deeper mind's door

Just keep on playing your cards right
Do not pretend that you're not bright
You do not even need the height
You have their stories well in sight

When they feel you're interested
And they know you can be trusted
All the efforts you've invested
Gets the interest you've vested

Do not just sit there with a stare
Go get someone to fix you're hair
There is a lot more thing's to bare
For everyone to treat you fair

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Comments  
hulshizer Comment by: hulshizer - 2006-04-05 04:33
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"So lowly youâ??re self-impression
That you impose no aggression
You receive so much oppression
But give matters no attention" I think that you are trying to say that your self esteem is so low that you are afraid to assert yourself in writing or anything else, but it does not come off that way to the reader. If a tight rhyming structure prevents you from saying what you really want to say, then drop it like a hot rock and move on to a different style that will allow you to express yourself. Your opening stanza needs to reach out and grab the readers interest.
barking mad Comment by: barking mad - 2006-03-31 06:22
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This sounds like a RAP to me although it is not as aggressive as most of this genre. It is a song of youth and as such has a lot to offer. To get the full effect it should be performed in public with the sort of band that can handle speech - not all can.
love Comment by: love - 2006-03-31 00:15
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i love ur poem very much
..very motivating
&&inspiring!
SpadedHeart Comment by: SpadedHeart - 2006-03-30 19:49
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toward the middle and the rest the way through I was sold
1

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By fixalvarez

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