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emmajones
Emma Jones
United Kingdom, Liverpool

Words: 760
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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Sunrise

The red and pink hues of the sunset were slowly beginning to creep across the grey sky waking the birds from their slumber, a few squawks began a crescendo that signaled the break of a new day. A solitary figure could be seen making their way along the meandering lanes of a quant English village, their footsteps were careful and measured as if they were frightened to disturb anyone. There was no sign of life from the houses, no smoke could be seen from the chimneys and the curtains were still tightly drawn. As I looked more closely I could discern that it was a man and as he passed the houses he looked up smiling and I imagined that he was thinking of the occupants who were sleeping soundly inside, wrapped up in their dreams; for them the new day had not yet begun.

He was a thick set man, robust with a ruddy complexion and a pleasant face. He had only stopped once as if he was trying to gather his bearings and as had turned to face me I had been able to make out the laughter lines that were etched around his mouth and eyes. He seemed to me to be the type of man who liked the company of others and if his complexion was anything to go by probably accompanied by a drink or two. This was only an assumption of course for all I knew he might be a miserable sod but his appearance seemed to belie the fact. His air was casual almost relaxed, he didn't seem to have a care in the world. I watched from a far as he made his way towards the outskirts of the village, in a few more minutes he would be out of sight and even from this distance I could see that his step had quickened as if a sense of urgency had suddenly occurred to him.

I put away the binoculars that I had been watching him with and made my way towards the village. My own footsteps were quick and less precise and in my haste I stumbled on the path a few times before deciding to tread a bit more carefully. The sun was now rising in the sky and it was already beginning to warm up, it was going to be a beautiful day. All around me I could hear the first stirrings of life, the dawn chorus had finished and the birds were now flying in search of food. The surrounding countryside was green and luscious, sparkling with the dew of the morning sprinkled upon it, but I hardly gave it a second thought as I had other more important things to worry about. I came to the village and I heard the soft murmur of a car approaching in the opposite direction, by the time I had reached my destination the car was grinding to a halt. Inside of the car I could see the outline of the man I had been so keenly watching from my vantage point, he was in the company of two of my colleagues.

The door swung open and one of my colleagues helped the man out. 'Well we got him!'? DC Nicholls said to me and we both exchanged a satisfied smile. This man, who now stood with handcuffs firmly clasped around his wrists, had been plaguing the villages of this area for the past six months, burgling houses indiscriminately whilst the occupants were asleep in their beds. We had been under an enormous amount of pressure to get a result but at times even I had lost all hope of catching him. It was pot luck that we had opted to watch this particular village last night and I couldn't believe my eyes when I had seen him sneak out of one of the village houses. Once I had spotted him I had radioed to my colleagues to pick him up as he left the village. I watched as he stood by the police car, close up he seemed to be a bit less rugged than I had first presumed but he looked more deflated than defeated. His carefree attitude that I had noticed still hung about him, I think it would take more than being caught to rid him of this. He looked up and caught my eye and I tried to control the faint flicker of a smile that played upon my lips when he said, chuckling to himself, the immortal line, 'Well it's a fair cop!'?

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emmajones Comment by: emmajones - 2006-04-15 14:17
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Thank you for your comments I think you're quite right about the plural noun - it was bothering me as I didn't want to give the gender away too early - but as you say I should of used 'its' and it would of worked better. Sometimes it takes a fresh look.
YeOldeFart Comment by: YeOldeFart - 2006-04-15 13:26
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Amusing story, Emma. I like how you opened with a description of the sunset and the birds awakening. It set the scene nicely. One thing, "Their" is a plural pronoun and doesn't fit "a solitary figure." You should have used, "its," and where appropriate, "his" or "he."
May I suggest that you write in the "active voice?" "Could be seen" is passive. It sounds much better if written, "A solitary figure was making its way along..." It'd sound even better if it were written, "A solitary figure strode through the meandering..." For an active voice, use strong, active verbs. It'll make a big difference in your writing.
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