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Love's Bitter Pill
Love the bitter pill -
I drank the water
of hope, downing
your little capsule
of crap. I hung
in there, the dream
of together, locked
toes in our king size
court of happiness.
Dreams filled with
I love you's
flowing on breaths
of forgiveness
for everything
not remembered,
after I left.
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| I felt your pain. You did your job. |
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Comment by: Aria - 2007-07-12 09:35
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| i like your form. and he ending prety much rocks. :) |
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"I hung
in there, the dream
of together, locked
toes in our king size
court of happiness."
...Sad...to hang in there...for someone....who isn't there.... a sad reality... the bitter pill....of reality....sometimes... you have to force your eyes... to pry open...before you realize.....the joke is on you..... |
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"of forgiveness for everything not remembered, after I left"
Poignant and powerful. |
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| nice succint imagery though for me the word crap doesnt seem to work that well. also you could try using something a bit less cliche to describe your emotions than a pill? the word is banned for us creative writing students because it is so overused. for me, the beginning is the weakest part and it gets stronger as it develops. |
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