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I must be pleased.
I've got a cigarette hanging from my impatient red lips.
The smoke lingers, twirling into the air like dandelieon seeds fluttering over an open plain.
I see you standing in the alley, darkness embraces your face, but I know you haven't shaved today, the hair is prickley and sweet, it makes you look handsome I say.
You take my hand, kiss my red lips, and caress my rosey flesh.
I can smell brandy on your breath, smooth and warm
Your embrace brings roses to my cheeks and your love floods the valley of heaven.
I will miss you my sweet
Like a wolf I will hunt you
But today I must be pleased with the alley where you once stood, the alley where you kissed me.
I can feel your prickley stubble against my cheek, I can feel your arms holding me in
I can feel your kiss floating upon my lips.
But, I must be pleased with the alley where you once stood, the alley where I fell in love with you.
I must be pleased.
I must be.
I must.
I.
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Comment by: Valerie - 2007-07-21 08:17
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I would like to see this set up into a poetic form, because it's poetry, with wonderful imagery.
e,g.,
I've got a cigarette hanging
from my impatient red lips
the smoke lingering
twirling the air
like dandelion seeds
fluttering over an open plain
I would love to see the fifth verse written something like this, omitting most of the repetition.
I can feel
your prickly stubble
against my check
your arms around me
kiss floating upon my lips
But I must be pleased
with the alley
where you once stood
where I fell in love
with you
Whatever you choose, it's beautiful! |
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| This is cool. It reminds of the narration you hear in old detective noir movies. I guess imagery concerning cigarettes and alcohol sort of have that effect. But yeah, I like. |
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Great narration. I agree with bonnie that it really makes you feel like your standing in that alley as well. The ending really ties it all together and gave me that familiar feeling of not having the words to say. Good job.
chili |
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Comment by: Azriel - 2006-06-18 17:59
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| You captured the feeling perfect im sure! I got the images of the typical romance beautiful women, and the classic movies, great read :) |
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to me, that ending sounds like you're trying to kid yourself into believing that you love him, or you're questioning the reasons as to why you're you're there with this guy.
or a could be wrong. :P excellent read. |
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