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Dead War
There is no point
it will never be,
there is no point
you shall not see.
Its too late
they are all dead,
its too late
another day I shall dread.
We can all change
if not now,
we can all change
just show us how.
Be aware, Be brave
cause tommorrow soldier
this may be your grave
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| very aptly put! I like your ideas and style. The words are appropraite and the rhythm runs smoothly. Thanks for sharing |
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another good work, your poems are so powerful with the picture you give out
well done |
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It's nice, but from time to time maybe you lose the meaning behind the poem and just go for a easy rhyme. Or maybe this poem just has many meanings. The last stanza is poignant and maybe I'm trying to hard to make the rest of the poem fit with it.
Anyway, I still like this piece. |
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Comment by: mom - 2006-04-08 19:04
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| I'm sad to say that I agree that things do not look so good for todays human race. Very good piece. |
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the first stanza is a bit confusing but workable.
"Its too late/they are all dead/its too late/another day I shall dread." I have only one problem with this poem and it's the last line of this stanza. The rhyme is very forced here, made more apparent by the way you switched 'I shall dread another day' to "another day I shall dread" in order to rhyme. If there is someway you can fix this and make it flow better, then I would suggest doing that.
All in all, this is a good poem and the last stanza is very strong. |
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