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| I love the meter of this piece!! A definite rhythm of which I was reciting a 'dum-de-dum' in my head to each line- very dynamic! My interpretation is the anticipation of dreaming when the head hits the pillow and the conflict that the sun presents in preventing her from entering her unconscious with the rays beaming down on her. |
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| These two new pieces are bursting with image. I am jealous. |
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| i like the loose meaning of "orderly studs" and the use of loaded words - ignites, shoots, pops the cork ... makes me visualize more of an institution setting and a woman (more girl) who was pushed in to being a woman too soon for her own good - and in ways not of her own choosing ... this is definitely going on my bookshelf - lovin' it! |
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| i'm wondering how it's taken me so long to find this one. i love the pacing of it - you can almost feel the poem stretching into wakefulness too. again i feel heat radiating from your work. |
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some woman more girl
half and half skin
scratches her nose
snuggles down
under this week's white sheet and wool blanket
into herself
up the wall to her right
climbs a metal band
held on by orderly studs
" -- a nice delecate flow here, very natural. i like the stanza set up. good write. |
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