What happens when your grip on reality slips?
What happens when your mind has too much free time?
What happens when, after months of repetition, everything becomes so automatic that your conscience wanders constantly?

It was 2:00 AM. I sat in my dingy room in my shitty apartment in my boring suburb in my backwater town. I typed casually on my keyboard. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, I was just killing time. There's lots of time to kill when you can't sleep. Time flows slowly when you can't sleep. Everything runs together in one long lethargic memory. I ate chips, I drank a coffee. Recently? No. Hours ago. But the chip bag and coffee cup are right in front of me, where they've been since then, since forever, it seems.
What am I doing now? I'm typing. Looking at websites. Downloading music. Am I? Don't remember. If I'm not doing those right now, I was moments ago, or was planning to after I've finished whatever it is I'm doing now. What am I doing now? No idea. I'm hardly aware of my surroundings anymore. My apartment is so bland and cold now. Where is everything? What have I been doing for the last six years? In the day I work. In the day I work for a shitty computer company, answering question after mindless question. I don't remember what went on today. It was the same as every day, I know that much.
The days all become one collective memory, they're all so alike. I wake up, 8:00 AM. I turn off my alarm. Take a shower. Brush my teeth. Put on suit and tie. Walk outside. Bus, 8:46 AM. Work, 9:02 AM. Greet colleagues. Desk, 9:04 AM. Computer, 9:05 AM. Phone, 9:10 AM - 12:43 PM. Lunch, 12:45 PM - 1:15 PM. Water cooler, 1:16 PM. Phone, 1:17 PM - 5: 27 PM. Bus again, 5:33 PM - 5:48 PM. Home, 5: 50 PM. Tv, 6:00 PM. Computer, 7:00 PM. Bed, 12:30 PM.
It's 2 AM, why am I still awake? Friday. It's Friday. Or Saturday now, I guess. The week doesn't seem to have even started yet. Did I finish that report that was due Friday? Or was that last week? I don't know. What month is it? April? March? The date? No idea. The year is 2006, of that I'm sure. I know it's 2006 because this will be the sixth year in my apartment. I know that because the lease papers are on my fridge. I know they're on my fridge because they're there everytime I take out the milk. I drink a lot of milk.
What am I doing now? Lost in thought, but still typing. How? What am I reading? LSD. I'm reading about LSD. I see it at the top of the screen there, it's a book online by Albert Hoffman. What do I know about LSD? Ergot. Potent. Dangerous. Hallucinations. Flashbacks. Flashbacks? I have flashbacks, but I'm not on drugs. Flashbacks, instant moments of awareness. Awareness of repitition. Deja. De-Deja Vu. Deja Vu, what do I know about Deja Vu? French. Brain waves. Unknown cause. Potential causes : brain activity, nerve connections, past lives, incorrect memory.
Incorrect memory must be me. I must have it. I have no idea what my job title is. I don't know my colleague's names. I see them. " Good Morning, Dave. " Not Dave. I don't have a colleague named Dave. When I see them, I know their names. But only then. And only while I see them. Incorrect memory, fading images, my childhood. Childhood? Childhood. Time of happiness? No. No? What then? What? No. No, no, no, no. Therapy. Happy places. Therapy. Deep breaths. Therapy. No worries. No worries. Nothing bad, don't worry, parents-better place. In a better place. Don't, parents, place.
Why am I screaming? What are my neighbours below yelling? What's their last name? Brixby? Bixby? Sounds like a town in England. My neighbours are a town in England. They're yelling at me. Police? Police. Police, police, police. Uniforms, guns, batons. Badges. Polished, shiny badges.
Knocks at the door? Still screaming? Failure to comply? Still screaming. Bowflex on tv? Still screaming. Forced entry? Scream, scream, scream. Hinges shatter, scream scream scream. Here they come, scream scream scream. Techno song, scream, scream, scream. Muffled scream, fight, fight, fight. Kitchen has knives. Knives. Sharp. Jagged. Steaks. Police are steaks. Steaks, scream, fight, struggle, pain. Beat down. Beat, club, club, club. Meeting the baton. Hello, baton. I remember your name. You're not my colleague.

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