 |
 |
 |
| |
Wish I Would Have Stood Up
Heart breaking
afraid that blood will flow
Instincts screaming
tongue wishing to beg
No one to the rescue
Legs cramping
Bottom of bed over my head
Tears running
laughed just an hour ago
That hour seems like nothing now
when everything could end
Stupid, stupid unlocked doors
forgot to check
or is it just door?
or window?
Can't remember
waiting for memories to flow
or is it to soon?
Maybe later
when the pain starts
then my life will pass in front of my eyes
Thoughts mixing
nothing clear anymore
Just fear
devastating
mind-numbing fear
I hear footsteps
Oh my god, is he here?
Darkness overwhelms
Did I faint?
Did he hit?
Where '¦.?
Tied to a chair
What chair?
I only own stools
His dark voice
filling the room
telling me not to worry
not to hope
My screams won't disturb anyone
Hours later
seems like years
I regret
that fear overcame me
I wish I would have....
What was it?
So much blood has flown
I dread my sense disappeared with it
Oh, yeah right
....wish I would have stood up
meet my fear
But now
it's a little bit to late
My new fear is
that I can never stand up again
I can't feel my legs
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: Cherley - 2006-06-07 10:13
|
|
| WOW-This is great. I felt every emotion. You did a wonderful job. It was a bit scary as I sensed what was about to happen. |
|
|
| i like the way you wrote this, in that you arent explicit about what your recalling, which makes the reader pay even more attention.I dont think the line 'oh yeh right' fitted in with the tone of the rest of the poem though, it seemed to colloquial.The repeated questioning is really effective in portraying the fear felt. Well written. |
|
|
| Wow, really heartfelt stuff. AT first read I admit I had absolutely no idea what was going on, and was totally confused as to the meaning behind the poem. Regardless of this meaning, which I didn't figure out untilr eading other comments, this is a beautiful peice of work. The overall sense of hopelessness and despair in it. After reading what its about in your eyes, I definately agree. Everyone feels like this once in awhile. Anyways, not much else to say, besides that this is one of my favourite poems on here in a long time (though I haven't been on here in months), and keep up the good work. Thanks for commenting on my stuff as well. |
|
|
| Good study of hindsight, rueful style. Something we can all relate too I suspect. |
|
|
Very sad poem. Nice write.
for a proper comment;
"toung" -- do you mean tongue? or tong? ???
"or is it just door?
or window?" -- i like th franticness of the question here. Adds a good emotional aspect the reader can relate to.
"Did I faint?
Did he hit?
Where â?¦.?" -- again with this set of questioning, it is effective. The unsertainty is obvious and well expressed in your piece, making it an effective read.
Thanks for the good read bye bye :) |
| 1 2 3 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
