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I,
linger in the darkness
of monsters roaring
beneath the desperate sky
into a place of selfishness
and to the point of no return
where dreams are haunted by nightmares
It seems like,
my cowardice is taking over me
my last fall seems to hurt me so bad
feels like I'm carrying a full load of burdens
that I can't get up on my own
Just when I thought,
I can't get any farther
I can't rise from the pool of thorns
I can't be myself again
there you came to help
You are the one,
who gave me new strength
and make me soar again
who taught me to make trials
until I succeed
who showed me what is life
and my purpose in this world
even though it seems to be impossible
you're still there to help me through
Now,
here I am at the peak of success
sipping the sweet taste of the fruit of hardworking
I'm thankful for having you in my life
cause you taught me to have faith in what I do
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You have some nice imagery in this piece. It seems to move between tenses oddly however. you start in the present tense and then move to past tense and back again ...
example:
"I can't rise ....I can't be myself...there you came"
try putting it all in the present tense perhaps like:
"And here you come to help.
Mosters roaring beneath the desperate sky - great line
I like how you began with just "I"
first stanza last line, if you shorten it the flow might improve
"My dreams haunted by nightmares"
