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maybe if i hate enough i'll shine
rat-faced man yellow and drawn long yellow fingers, long yellow yawn
reaches for unfamiliar spaces sweaty ideas of greatness
the unsuccessful lover winding down
atrophied ass, skinny bowed legs,
sickly bulging belly, shoulders childlike and narrow
a defeated posture infused with hate cast a weak tea shadow
sabotaging fate: a new idea for each new moment
(we could be famous... we could make a million bucks)
seals them in dirty envelopes to fall through the greasy grate
a gutter by the darkness where nothing really takes shape
plagiarizing ouroboros believing his own lies
at his core a sinister emptiness, so appealing
to the alternative strata of the trendy elite
who have forgotten their true nature
as the abused dog forgets how to be a dog
he was attracted to my wound, my beautiful malfunction
but when I was resolved he couldn't be contacted
man of straw in a house of cards waiting to fail
a child inside a man inside a disease, vampiric and shining
oiling his trap, an ugly broken outdated machine
resting on past glory a chasm opens to devour his worst intentions
merely settling for his lot, enraged at what he hasn't got
but his fans keep cheering in rivulets of need
hand-me-down popularity based upon instability
and two headed things in jars
admiring their naked distortion, their absolute place in time
itching to be so different while dining on grease, bile and grime
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Comment by: - 2007-02-10 16:06
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| Boy, oh boy, did I ever get a chill when I sat down to read this one, it brought me back to some of the "beat" poetry of the fifties in New York, but in the case here you have a lot more "meat" to digest than most of those flakes who thought they were so very, very brilliant. Each line, each scenerio was grist for the reader to fly along huming his or her own tune, because you managed to put us all within the framework of your poem. When you wrote "plagiarizing ouroboros," I about fell from my chair. Imagine plagiarizing yourself. Brilliant! |
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Comment by: - 2006-09-08 05:59
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| I wish I could write like this....you and another here are the writers i wish i could be....i want this as a movie, i want this as a book, i want to write my own words inspired by this poem...thank you....i should pay you to let me read this.... |
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Comment by: - 2006-06-01 11:40
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Whilst i will never know where you drew your inspiration for this poem i can honestly say i heard every word. I can see alot of my past inside this piece, it reflects alot about how somebody can blissfully fall into self destruction finding comfort in the emptiness it creates. The decriptive content is very vivid and i can see it from a first persons point of veiw, in that this could be a peice reflecting a characters understanding or revelation of ones self. I also can see this as a portrayal of some sickly experience which is being reflected on, a picture of genuine disgust perhaps for a former lover or maybe a failed friend/family member. this piece certainly engages the subject of deprivity and is a rare exhibition of a part of lifes broad spectrum that most of us choose to ignore or feign misscomprehension for.
I love this passage :-
sabotaging fate: a new idea for each new moment
(we could be famous... we could make a million bucks)
seals them in dirty envelopes to fall through the greasy grate
a gutter by the darkness where nothing really takes shape
so very tru of anybody who thinks too much.
Its hard for me to add constructive critism for this piece as i love it so much. Keep writting Deb! I look forward to reading more and more of your poems. x - W |
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Comment by: Elinki - 2006-05-13 09:18
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| I liked this poem. Kinda dark ang gritty like old film. excellent poem. I'm ganna shelve this and add you to my readers list. |
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Comment by: - 2006-05-10 14:37
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| You have excellent descriptive powers. There is dark space in you. |
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