I had too much to think, too much to dream last night.
Bruising my eyes on taut fingers of introspection and
Kicking my head in from the inside, bending it like
Beckham, holding it up dramatically for inspection.
A prince in my brooding robes of self inflicted agony.
Never any mercy left for myself, I spend that currency
On others with abandon bordering on frivolity.

A man comes to a certain age, the number is irrelevant
It's more a place than a time really, a particular
Sum reached in our personal emotional equation.
Words like integrity and honesty, principle and ideals
Put on respectable clothes, a very individual caste
Not merely banners of idealism or pseudo-intellectualized
Chess pieces in a cocktail conversation.

So this man comes to that point and is transformed.
The courage comes to voice emotions and feelings
Wrapped in elegance and eloquence, but spoken
Without artifice, disingeniousness or fear.
From philistine operator to karmic perpetrator.
It is intoxicating, wisdom twining with
Remembered childhood innocence and ideology
Always a work in progress, not Michael's David
But reaching for a deeper grip on
Human chemistry energy and interaction.

Not so.

The game is hard wired deep in every cell,
In every molecule of our emotional plateau.
Humans dance this strange dance of attraction,
We're pulled like puppets past what can be had,
We never seem to want an easy prize
But suffer for the thing just out of reach,
The one that does us harm.

I should remove myself from this place of truth
The place you come to in your time of need.
Rock, steady anchor, friend and soothing salve
Who gives you freedom to be exactly there,
Loves you because of and not despite your flaws
Believes that you should be just who you are.

I should remove myself and leave you insecure,
You'd want more then! Oh I know how you'd long...

I love you and
I can't.

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