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In the Last Minute
Skin boxed black with teeth chipped
In battle, lips pillow soft and bleeding.
Hands bound in bandages are now,
Grey and red, quivering with anticipation.
One more knock, one more time,
To duck dive and strike the winning blow.
Endings seem stripped to sober fatigue,
The last breath a gasp of blood and brawl.
Adrenaline fades through a heaving chest
Sweat drenched at the end of the fight.
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| This poems seems to be speaking of more than just a fight, like if the fight itself is with life, or death, or the struggle to survive, in which we sometimes lose. The analogy is good, and seems rather fitting, although, as in boxing, when we fall we get up, until there is nothing left within us to rise anymore...Great poem |
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Comment by: mickeyp - 2006-04-20 07:28
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| The atmosphere of this work is neatly aligned: you seem to know exactly where a poem should begin, and where it must cease. This is a telling feature of your poetry, and a very difficult thing to master. The only thing I saw as possibly inhibiting the depth here is "quivering with anticipation", but everything else works. The opening, as has been mentioned, is stunning. |
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| Excellent opening, really sucked me in. The rest of it was good, i liked the "grey and red" hands - death and life imagery there. I thought the poem could benefit from an alteration or complete changing of the last two lines. You managed to achieve a good atmosphere in such a brief piece; well done :) |
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| very nice. |
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I like this one.
I see this as a poem of fights to the death. One shall not quit until the other guy is much worse of.
To make this poem great, maybe you need a couple more lines, to finish things of. A last poignant scream of fightingspirit. |
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