'Come, oh Dark Lord! Come to us, and fill us with your evil lust. Use us as your objects, and grant us the power to kill our enemies, and to obtain our desires. Oh, Satan, beautiful angel of sin and hate, come to us, come to us! We need your and your sinister power, so that we may do wickedness in your name. We kneel before you, our bodies waiting for you in anticipation, willing and ready to be as slaves to your wonder!'� A dark figure, clad only in a long black robe, raised its arms to the wind, lowering its face towards Hell. 'We are ready, oh Master!'�
'Bobby Sue,'� Ella Jean whined, 'I don't wanna play this game no more.'� She had on her mother's black bathrobe, bunny slippers, and flannel pajamas, and she stamped her feet impatiently in the cold. 'This is stoopid. I wanna go inside! We gots school tomorrow!'�
The two girls were standing outside by the edge of a swamp, so close to the water that the land sucked at their feet each time they took a step. Bobby Sue was standing inside a pentacle made of cast-off snakeskins, while Ella Jean stood awkwardly behind her.
Bobby Sue turned her head around a little from her demon summoning pose. 'Ella Jean,'� she hissed, 'If we get this right, we ain't gonna have school tomorrow. We ain't gonna have school for ever again! We ain't never gonna have to do nuthin' we don't want to. So shut up!'�
'But I don't wanna be nobody's sex slave,'� Ella Jean wailed. ''Specially not the devil's! It's ain't right!'�
'Oh, cuz, come on! It ain't so bad. I betcha that's just what the old guys say so's we don't get no power. I bet the devil ain't as evil as they all says he is.'� She turned back around. 'Oh, Father of Lies, Lord of Darkness and Evil, He Who Is Called Beast, Destroyer of Worlds, please, we beseech thee, come to us, and give us your great magic!'�
'But Bobby Sue,'� Ella Jean griped, 'It's real cold out here. This bathrobe ain't real warm. Can't we go in?'�
'Shut up! I ain't wearing nothing under my robe, and I ain't complaining. Lemme finish this, I'm almost done,'� drawled her cousin, and she continued. 'Come to us! Come to your minions, your worshipers!'�
'You ain't wearing nothing under your robe?'� Ella Jean screeched. 'Bobby Sue Keller, that is just disgusting! I cain't believe you! You're turning into a real hussy, that's what you is! You know, Jenna tried to tell me you was kissing Billy, and I didn't believe her, 'cause, I told her, you ain't like that, but I believe her now! Was you kissing my boyfriend last Friday at the school dance, Bobby Sue? Was you?'�
Frustrated, Bobby Sue stomped down from her Pedestal of Horror-a tree stump-and got right up into her cousin's face. 'No, I was not kissing your stoopid boyfriend, you dumb skunk of a girl! Why would I wanna kiss that smelly, dirty Billy Francis anyways? I wouldn't kiss him if even the Devil asked! I got lots better boys who like me, and I'm gonna be mistress to Lucifer, so why would I care about your stoopid Redneck?'�
'He ain't stoopid!'� shrieked Ella Jean. 'You take that back right now! He's the best looking boy around here, and he's real smart! He's better than your stoopid ol' Devil. Billy Francis has got him a job lined up with his uncle next year, driving big rigs around the country! He's gonna have real good money! What's your special Lucyfur do, huh? He got him a truck drivin' job? I don't think so! I bet he works at a junkyard or something like that! You ain't gonna have no money with a guy like that!'�
'You idjit! He's the Devil; he ain't no carny or inbred idjit from the backwoods; he rules the whole of Hell! He holds court over the damned and tortured and his dominion is the wickedness and evil of the world! And if I was with him, I'd be queen of the whole Underworld! He's much, much better than Billy!'�
'Well, but, well,'� sputtered Ella Jean, unable to compete. She scowled at her cousin, and then brightened. 'Well, I got my Billy! You ain't got your precious Devil! So it don't matter none who's better. You callin' and all, but you probably ain't never gonna see him!'�
'Well, there, little girl, you are wrong!'�
'Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!'� the girls screamed together.
'You did call me, did you not?'� The Devil, in a dandy mood, raised an arched eyebrow. He adjusted his silk suit and his top hat, and twirled his silver cane around before pressing it into the marshy ground. He leaned on it. 'Hello, my lovely disciples. Are you ready for me?'�
'Oh my gawd, Bobby Sue! It's the Devil! You really brought the Devil here! Oh my gawd! What are you gonna do?'� Ella Jean gasped. 'You ain't gonna do that, are you? You ain't gonna be his mistress or nothing, are you? Oh my gawd, Bobby Sue, what would your mama say?'�
'Oh my gawd!'� Bobby Sue's mouth hung open like the Pit of Hell. 'You're really here! You're really the Devil! You really came! Oh my gawd!'� she babbled excitedly. 'I am your biggest, biggest fan. I have your picture all over my bedroom walls!'� She blushed a fiery red. 'Are you here to-to-you know. Make me your sex slave?'�
'Well, I was,'� the Devil said, frowning at the young girl's appearance, 'But now I am not quite sure. From what cult are you two?'�
'Cult? I ain't from no stoopid cult,'� Ella Jean said indignantly. 'I'm a respectable girl, I am; my mama brought me up real proper. I ain't gonna wear no hippie clothes and take no drugs in no cult. I ain't that kinda girl!'�
'You used black magic to summon the devil,'� Satan pointed out reasonably.
'That weren't my idear,'� she replied huffily. 'It were Bobby Sue's. I only came out here 'cause she made me and kept pinching my arm real hard 'til I followed her.'� She turned to her cousin. 'I hope you're real happy, Miss I'm So Great With My Old Books and Suchlike, walking around all nekkid. I hope you've figgered out what you done now, stoopid.'�
Bobby Sue's eyes were shining with happy tears. 'Oh, Lucifer, my dark angel, I'm just so excited that you're gonna make love to me! I've wanted you to be with me for so long. I can't wait for us to get married so I can be your queen! It's gonna be wonderful!'�
'I beg your pardon. I have no intention whatsoever of marrying you, you silly girl,'� Lucifer said hurriedly. 'I'm the Devil. I don't have very many long-term relationships with women.'� He grinned suddenly, a horrible grin that belied his fop attire. 'They never last long then a week.'� His evil smile left no ambiguity as to which of the things in that statement didn't last long.
Bobby Sue missed his expression and smiled beatifically. 'Good, so you ain't got lots of old baggage. Anyways, you haveta marry me,'� she said happily. ''Cause this spell is one that makes you do ever'thing I say.'�
'There is no such . . . spell . . . wait.'� The devil's face scrunched into an expression of horror, and his adopted body began to lose cohesion. His face turned red, and his eyes faded to a sickly yellow with slitted pupils. 'I must see that spell!'� he roared, and small fires appeared in the trees around them.
'It ain't with us,'� said Ella Jean evasively.
'Well, where is it?!'� Satan screamed. The trees burst into huge conflagrations, burning to the ground in seconds.
'Honey,'� Bobby Sue pouted, 'wouldn't you much rather get hitched first before we gets into who's got what and where it all is at? I ain't asking you to show me around your place and get me lots of presents first; why you wanna wait 'til you see my spellbooks?'�
'I am not marrying you!'� Lucifer's wings of black, the black of the void, ripped from his back, and his twisted horns grew out of his skull to rise a foot above his head. 'I will kill you!'�
'You ain't gonna do that,'� said Bobby Sue calmly. Her eyes turned ice cold, with a steely glint. 'I love you, and I command you to marry me. We're gonna get engaged tonight, and then we're gonna get married in June. With a big wedding, and all my family, and it's gonna be perfect. And from now on, you're gonna do whatever I says.'� She beamed, her usual self again. 'You just gotta sign this here paper with your real, legally binding name, and you're gonna, and then you're gonna ask me to marry you real romantic-like. With a real pretty ring. Right?'�
Satan moaned in despair. He could feel the compulsion of the powerful spell wrapping around him in binding layers. He slowly returned to human form. 'What paper?'� he gasped, groping for it anxiously. Every second he didn't obey, he felt excruciating pain.
'This 'un,'� said Bobby Sue. She handed him a closely written piece of pink notebook paper. 'And here's a pen, my sweet love. Ain't you so happy?'�
'God, angels, heaven, and love,'� blessed the Devil. He read over the contract, searching desperately for loopholes, but when he had finished, he hadn't found any. He whimpered a little as he signed it with a looping scrawl. It was completely ironclad, and he snarled and ground several back teeth so hard that he broke them. 'Who in the Lord's name wrote this blessed thing?'�
'I did,'� said Ella Jean smugly. 'And I thought real hard about ever' part of it, and there ain't nothing you can do again my cuz. You cain't kill her, or hurt her, or get nobody else to do it, and you cain't ever disobey her, and you cain't allow her to be hurt, and you gots to give her eternal life and youth, and you've got to give her as many babies as she wants, and you gots to do ever'thing else on there.'� She nodded firmly. 'I think Bobby Sue's pretty dumb to wanna marry the Devil, but I weren't gonna let her do anything without you getting hitched, and I weren't gonna let you do nuthing.
Impressed despite himself, the Devil nodded to her. 'I have to admit, this is a wonderful contract. You should be a lawyer.'�
Ella Jean drew herself, offended. 'I told you,'� she snapped, 'that my mama done raised me up right.'�
'Okay,'� said the Devil. He stared at his bride-to-be with loathing. 'I suppose you want your ring, do you?'�
'Yes,'� said Bobby Sue. Her eyes narrowed. 'Right now. A real pretty one. And don't you steal it from no other bride, and don't you try to hurt me with it none, or I'll command you to love me.'�
'Oh my god!'� Satan gasped in utter horror. He conjured a beautiful gold ring as quickly as he could and just as quickly, 'romantically'� proposed to Bobby Sue Keller. 'Will you marry me?'�
Bobby Sue's eyes welled up with tears. 'Oh yes, Lucifer, yes! I will!'�
Satan cried as well.
Ella Jean smiled to see her cousin so happy. ''Well, you two lovebirds, why don't y'all go home now?'�
Bobby Sue sniffled a little. 'Do we haveta, Ella Jean? I wanna do some stuff with his awesome power first.'�
Ella Jean looked thoughtful. 'Well, I gotta admit, I don't wanna go to school tomorrow,'� she said. 'I sure would like it if me n' Billy had some money so's we could gets married too real soon.'�
'Darling,'� said Bobby Sue, smiling up at her fiancé. 'Do all that for Ella Jean, please. After all, she made all this possible.'�
The Devil had a thought, and he grinned as widely as it was possible for a human mouth to grin. 'Why, yes, she did,'� he said meaningfully.
Bobby Sue interrupted. 'Sweetie, I command you not to do anything or cause to been done anything to Ella Jean either. She's my favorite cuz, and I don't want nuthing to happen to her.'�
'And you will notice the bit in that there contract 'bout not bein' allowed to make my Bobby sue unhappy. So that means you cain't try to kill none of her friends or nothing either.'� Ella Jean helpfully pointed out the appropriate lines.
'Bless his blessingly blessed name,'� muttered Lucifer. 'Holy holy holy love.'�
Bobby Sue Keller, mistress of the Dark Arts and affianced to Satan, linked arms with her beloved. 'Oh, honey, this is gonna be the happiest marriage ever, dontcha think? We're gonna spend the rest of our lives together in wedded bless.'�
'Yeah. Forever,'� replied the devil dully. He wondered if he could figure out a way to kill himself.

Want to comment on this Short Stories? Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Short Stories and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...