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Eternal Sleep
Staring down at your lifeless body
I feel cold
Your eyes are still open
Staring up in shock
I kneel down beside you
And close them gently
A silent tear
Rolls down my cheek
And lands on yours
You look so delicate, so cold, as white as snow
You didn't deserve to die
Of all people, you didn't deserve to go
I should have died
It should have been me
I can't stand to look at you any more
Yet I can't bear to look away
I take your icy hand in mine and squeeze it
Hoping for a reaction
I don't know why I even bothered'¦
But I did
I thought
For a fleeting moment
That perhaps you were just sleeping
You liked to sleep
Now you can sleep for eternity
I brush my hand along your chilled cheekbone
Such pretty cheeks
Another tear
This time lands on your lips
I bring my face right up to yours
And softly kiss it away
I thought I would feel something'¦
Something passionate
Something heart wrenching
Something deep
I didn't
I just feel numb
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| Very vivid description. I could feel your pain. |
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Comment by: - 2006-04-23 18:14
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| Beautiful poem. You're imagery really portrays the feelings of sadness the character is feeling at this loss. Very well written. |
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Thank you all for your comments. =)
Lolly - I think leaving off the last line would change the whole poem and the meaning I was trying to convey. If it ended without it, I think it would sound as if the person was heartless or not as in love as they seemed throughout the whole poem. But instead they feel numb and it is a shock to them that I think needs to be shown. I'm not sure I explained that very well but I tried. xP |
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Comment by: lolly - 2006-04-21 12:32
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| at first i didn't think i would like this poem, but wow, i did. i'm not sure if i would even have the last line, but then again, i end stuff weird -- probably because my attention span is so short and i run out of gas before i should. just felt i would be left wanting more if you left the last line off. overall, i liked the rawness of it the best and the fact that you didn't sugar coat. sugar coating is for babies. |
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Comment by: mitra - 2006-04-21 05:13
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| wow that was bit of an unexpected ending. Interesting. |
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