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graceshaker
graceshaker
Ireland, jumping on your head

Words: 439
Access: Public
Comments: 13

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whispering devotion

sweep me aside
brush me off
dismiss me
 
im still right here
kicking and screaming
suffering your silence
 
cast me away
knock me down
crucify  me.
 
im still right here
knocking and seeking
carrying your violence
 
push me under
spit me out
banish me
 
im still right here
kneeling and praying
whispering devotion.

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Comments  
ParchmentPoetry Comment by: ParchmentPoetry - 2008-02-04 16:09
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I like this one. The only thing I notice is you use ( im ) and to be correct, it probably should be ( i'm ) since you don't use the caps. I'd use the caps, but that's a personal thing. Janet
L J Comment by: L J - 2007-07-15 05:27
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You make it sound so simple. How many times did you have to rewrite the piece until you know it was right! Okay, professors may find the time to bicker about the simplicity of the meaning, and an odd wrong word here and there, but i can't find anything wrong. Someone please, this guy can't be that perfect. There has to be something!!!!

Look at the words crucify me, i think that's our key. If it's not religion, then it has something to do with steadfast belief in a material or human being. Twenty years ago people told me to give up writing. Twenty years later I am a published writer only because i continued the belief that i can write and those who wished to break me, have since broken down themselves. Makes you think, doesn't it. The meak become strong, and the strength of those who gathered to laugh, became weak. I think this is the message. Its brilliant. I love simple. I adore simple masterpieces. Yours is.
Anne Comment by: Anne - 2007-02-17 11:31
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beautiful poem. well done
Comment by: - 2006-09-11 20:17
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This is a very amazing and powerful poem. I have to wonder at the relationship here. From your words I imagine an Old Testament God, one who does not answer the narrator's prayers but makes him suffer and yet he is still devoted and fearful. If I am wrong I apologise.

Enrique
clockworkjuice Comment by: clockworkjuice - 2006-08-07 10:06
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It envokes very powerful feelings. It left me wondering the nature of the relationship that was in conflict... a woman and a man i keep thinking.
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By graceshaker

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