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graceshaker
graceshaker
Ireland, jumping on your head

Words: 755
Access: Public
Comments: 9

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blur

and she sits across the room

with her hair pulled back

smiling at me from her chair

and her eyes shine like the stars

falling from the ceiling

and we are the only ones there

 

can i have your hand

will you dance with me

will you fill me wonder

can i be your man

will you dance with me
til this room becomes a blur

 

and she walked across the street

with her hair blown back

waving at me from the stairs

and my heart shines like the sun

piercing through the clouds

and we are the only ones there

 

can i have your hand

will you dance with me

will you fill me wonder

can i be your man

will you dance with me
til this room becomes a blur

 

and she stands right next to me

hair under her veil

holding my hand as we share

and our rings shine like the glow

of candles on the altar

and we are the only ones there


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Comments  
Apollo Comment by: Apollo - 2008-09-25 16:10
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Seems like you should put this to music... I enjoyed it, I feel like I could hear some acoustic guitar behind it... well done.
L J Comment by: L J - 2007-07-15 05:18
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Simple and honest and i love the way you use and just like John Steinbeck did in his masterpieces. Will and can are repeated at the right tight spots and this is what makes your work stand out well. I remember a teacher screamikng at me, "never use And at the start of a sentence!" and only achieved bruises from a swiping ruler. She had not read Steinbeck and she had not read you. Well done, Andy. I think this will do well as a song. I may be wrong.
heidicat Comment by: heidicat - 2006-11-26 13:32
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nice
Comment by: - 2006-08-31 17:01
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I really loved the repetitiveness. And...although I was always scolded for writing sentences that began with the word AND, I have to admit it really turns me on...

Lol. Best Wishes, jennifer pinick
InHizImage Comment by: InHizImage - 2006-08-19 07:23
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I liked how you progressed in this piece their relationship and kept the similirities of each stanza throughout. Well done.
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By graceshaker

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