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I really like this...descrpitions in here are wonderful.
a suggestion?
you start with a singular subject then it suddenly becomes plural then singular again. is it star or stars?
this line especially:
When the stars go back home and can longer be mesmerized
By the chimney bells placed around it
just a suggestion. |
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| I think imagery and metaphor are once again very prominent here. However, I must recommend that you re-edit or check the poem one more time as there are small grammatical errors that may take away from the overall beauty of the poem. There are also instances were the writing is a little bit choppy. You've got the right idea here, now all you need to do is sharpen it and polish it up! |
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Comment by: fredav - 2006-09-16 23:53
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this made me think..tickled my brain for a while... there are so many facets to this poem. i found this to inspiring. especially thess lines:
When the stars go home and life begins
It ceases to remain only a star but takes all forms of
Which it once belong
nice write. =) |
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| This is a very interesting, contemplative kind of poem. I love the title, especially. A lovely, peaceful piece, with lots of meanings hiding within it. |
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Comment by: suleem - 2006-09-13 14:28
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| One can read many thoughts into our words. Very beautiful |
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