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youngroyalty
Ryan Akorli
Ghana, Gt, Accra

Words: 148
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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When the star go home

When the sparkling star goes back home
There is true happiness for there so many
Gifts,joy and love for which the star is immersed in
Love beyond imagination but of the static life which
Moves calmly without notice

When the stars go back home and can longer be mesmerized
By the chimney bells placed around it
For it has finished its work and must now unknown that which had been infused into the blue prints of its memory

The star stays strong in devoid of all that was once known
Waiting patiently for the doors of its house to be opened to it

When the stars go home and life begins
It ceases to remain only a star but takes all forms of
Which it once belong
When sparkling stars go home and even the doors it passes
through are not seen

Then a star goes home.

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Comments  
bowbina76 Comment by: bowbina76 - 2007-04-28 07:58
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I really like this...descrpitions in here are wonderful.
a suggestion?

you start with a singular subject then it suddenly becomes plural then singular again. is it star or stars?
this line especially:

When the stars go back home and can longer be mesmerized
By the chimney bells placed around it

just a suggestion.
fated2write Comment by: fated2write - 2007-01-22 05:36
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I think imagery and metaphor are once again very prominent here. However, I must recommend that you re-edit or check the poem one more time as there are small grammatical errors that may take away from the overall beauty of the poem. There are also instances were the writing is a little bit choppy. You've got the right idea here, now all you need to do is sharpen it and polish it up!
fredav Comment by: fredav - 2006-09-16 23:53
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this made me think..tickled my brain for a while... there are so many facets to this poem. i found this to inspiring. especially thess lines:

When the stars go home and life begins
It ceases to remain only a star but takes all forms of
Which it once belong

nice write. =)
nonalienabductee Comment by: nonalienabductee - 2006-09-13 14:41
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This is a very interesting, contemplative kind of poem. I love the title, especially. A lovely, peaceful piece, with lots of meanings hiding within it.
suleem Comment by: suleem - 2006-09-13 14:28
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One can read many thoughts into our words. Very beautiful
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