My Mouth Wasn't the Only Thing Broke, and Bleeding [final stanza revised]
You are here: Edit Red >>
Uploads >>
Poetry >> My Mouth Wasn't the Only Thing Broke, and Bleeding [final stanza revised]
 |
 |
 |
| |
My Mouth Wasn't the Only Thing Broke, and Bleeding [final stanza revised]
Our first kisses burnt
Like the bitter January wind:
Biting at my lips
Until they bled.
Tortured peroxide
With a laugh that dried up my skin:
Your words crawled over me
Like an unwashed jumper.
We wrapped limbs
Around each other:
Clinging like persistent ivy,
Drawing life out brickwork.
Half-true love letters
Read like a fever:
Empty sentiments
Smeared with passion.
I severed our ties
To halt the pace.
As the dawn chorus broke,
We shattered.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: - 2006-06-06 20:53
|
|
| Wow. I really liked this. Total imagery. I wish I could write poems like you. :(. |
 |
Comment by: AndyMel - 2006-05-04 10:28
|
|
| What did the old ending used to read like? Unwashed Jumper and Smeared With Passion are the high points of this one, but I'm not buying the ending, sorry. I can tell some good drafting has gone into the poem, but the theme is so domestic. Everyone in uni and online has got one of these poems knocking around, there just doesn't seem to be anything idiosyncratic about it. Your refined ability not to get over-emotional is what makes this one worth saving. Mature, if nothing else. |
 |
Comment by: Elinki - 2006-04-30 19:39
|
|
| the last stanza was so fantasticly fantastic. LOL. great imagery through this. |
|
Comment by: - 2006-04-24 08:45
|
|
| I can easily hear someone with an English accent calmly reciting this poem. That's a good thing, I think. |
 |
Comment by: lofty - 2006-04-22 18:53
|
|
| read again, good isn't enough,amazing//// |
| 1 2 3 4 5 Next |
|
"Marginal Man"
Collection of poetry by NiK covering an historical sweep through the poet's life during the turbulent years of change in Southern Africa between 1973 and 2000.
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
