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Words: 166
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Comments: 6

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My Horizon

I stand here alone on the shore of my horizon, the place,

where reality seems to meet the facts of my life and where the

water reflects the trials of my life, as my limits of experience,

washes away my footprints of knowledge, however, I can see

only about three miles, as the surface of the light of my

life, before the earth curves it away out of my eyesight, no

matter how good one's eyes are, my horizon forms a kind of

boundary line, far beyond which one cannot see, but yet, i

stand free, as i watch and wait for my destiny and fate too

awake and arise from the line where the sky seems to meet the

earth, i remain steadfast on the grains of man, hoping my

horizon to unfoil my life's span


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Comments  
mommaZ82 Comment by: mommaZ82 - 2006-04-19 16:48
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Interesting. You have a way with words.
tcbswan Comment by: tcbswan - 2006-04-18 22:30
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i'd agree with dance6 about the form, but other than that this is a very nice poem--I can feel the expectation straining for what is to come, but faced with the realization that what will be is 'unknown'. love the introspective honesty and thoughtful nature of this piece.
Comment by: - 2006-04-16 14:08
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I like this, like "SOS" it has a nice rhythm i can imagine being recited to music. i don't think how it looks is all that important, since it is better read aloud anyway. just my opinion.
noneedtofocus Comment by: noneedtofocus - 2006-04-16 13:04
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I don't think you need to change the form. However you do need to add a couple periods. This isn't one sentence and it takes away from it greatly. I found the rhythm and the end of sentences but that is not the point. Punctuation will not take away from this spoken word piece, only make it LOOK cleaner.
There is a typo in line 4.
Interesting image: "my horizon, the place where
reality seems to meet the facts of my life"
Truest image: "my limits of experience washes
away my footprints of knowledge"
I am pretty sure that "washes" should be "wash". Not for sure though.
Overall good piece. Interesting concept.
Skytteflickan88 Comment by: Skytteflickan88 - 2006-04-16 11:44
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Self-reflection at it best.

Have to agree with Dance6 with the one paragraph. It's better if you use intervals, because then you create a rhythmen. But it doesn't bother me as much as it usualy does. Because this is beautiful.

Keep up the good work!
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