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Elinki
Chris McGuffin
United States, Colorado, Arvada

Words: 157
Access: Public
Comments: 3

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The Garbage Man

I see a Hole in your chest
Beneath your breast
A void,
An empty abyss
So cold,
So old,
So nothing
Begging to be filled
Asking fot nothing in particular
Just something
Any substantce
Any device at hand
That knife,
That clay,
That speck of ash
That instant cement
As long as it's something that fits
Into that empty hole
That substrative chasm
In your chest
Beneath your breast
Anything close at hand
That garbage man
With all those broken unmentionables
Bound with plenty of dysfunctional toys
Broken dreams,
Broken hearts,
And dumber-dolls
him,
Holding that cracked hour glass
That leaking snow globe
That music box that fails to work
Junk he's collected in his years
Junk he will permeate into that empty hole
In your chest
Beneath your breast
As long as it fits.
He is your knight in broken/rusted armor
The one that will satisfy your desire
To be filled with nothing,
Nothing inparticular.

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Comments  
Comment by: - 2006-05-19 15:55
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I am posting like crazy on your poems tonight. You really are a good writer. All technicalities aside I think this one is my favorite. Going on bookshelf.
Comment by: - 2006-05-14 09:44
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So empty you would settle for trash from a garbage man....well put. This is a great look at desperation...great write. -Leah
Manda Comment by: Manda - 2006-05-13 23:38
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I really enjoyed the imagery presented here. I have a thing for odd assortments of things and this really pleased that part of me. the title doesn't really do it for me in that that part of the poem seems a minor part of a greater story. really though, this is an enjoyable read.

onto the technical stuff
a few minor typos:
fot=for line 9
substantce=substance line 11

not sure if combining broken/rusted like that works so well, makes that line stand out too much, well in a more technical way than is needed. also suggest a change to this set of lines:
That knife,
That clay,
That speck of ash
That instant cement

perhaps removing the last two 'that'(s), for instance:
'a speck of ash
instant cement'
I think it would lend a more abstract feel to the items you list. making them seem more like things as a whole, not just items in a list.
1

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By Elinki

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