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Heavenly Father
You taught me how to share,
And showed me how to care,
I loved you deeply my Father.
At times I felt so alone.
I visited you religiously on Sundays,
And looked upon you for guidance,
You taught me right from wrong.
With you I shared my deepest secrets.
Whilst you passed on your wise words,
I stood up for my principles,
In good times and in bad.
To us it means so much.
To others their word doesn't mean a damn.
Ten rules they cast aside,
They leave a broken man,
The pain you felt and endured.
Each one of them guilty,
As if they hammered the fibres in.
You faded away and died,
You'll get your reward in heaven,Dad.
Yours will be the last and loudest laugh,
No! it won't be a sin
When you say" YOU BASTARDS, YOU'RE NOT COMING IN"
sorry I wrote this @ 6.15 am with no sleep feeling peed off jan xx
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| this is sad, but it's well written. I like the way the two characters are interwoven. the final stanza is in some ways out of place but in more ways fits in perfectly, I wouldn't change it. Your feelings shine through, i read it twice, once without reading your explanation once having read and it was a moving read both times. |
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| This was shockingly, Great... I am actually speachless...Beautifully written and I love the surpiring ending... |
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Comment by: Basil - 2007-09-19 10:31
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Wow,...what starts as a daughter-father admiration turns into a bitter greaf of his death and ends with in a little "sweet" smell of revenge.
What a rollarcoaster of different emotions ,...great,... |
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Comment by: JayBean - 2007-06-20 00:53
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Yep, uh huh, yep, no disagree and maybe to those previous 4 comments. Thanks for sharing this poem Janet,
I Like your directness in this poem - i think it could be developed a little more by creating more of a rhythm and flow, possibly with rhyme (but not necessarily)- feel free to look at some of my poems to get what i mean. looking forward to exploring more of your work.
cheers
J.B. |
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| The last stanza is great in the humorous sense but I feel detracts a bit from the overall tone of the poem. But, I really like it. Especially that line about visiting God on Sundays. I have to say, I've never thought about it quite like that. |
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