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I CAN HEAR YOU, SIR THIEF
I can hear your:
Every move,
Every whisper,
Every thought'¦
But you don't know that,
as you creep amongst the roses,
your eyes glinting
with anticipation
for the night's spoils'¦
But I can hear you.
I know you're sneaking,
Over the fence, past
My bedroom window.
You see something,
The beast awaken;
Black and fury'¦
You see the:
Red tongue
White teeth'¦
Turn and run, little man.
Past my window,
Over the fence,
And through the roses.
Even in my sleep, I can still
Hear your; every move
Every whisper, every thought.
You see,
I can hear you, Sir Thief.
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Comment by: GHOSTER - 2007-11-16 13:19
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| I enjoyed this poem.Very fresh,interesting and fun.Definitely a bit humor,it made me smile.Well done my friend. |
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| I really enjoyed the visual formating of this poem, because I felt that it added to the flow and the images brought to mind by the descriptions. Well done. --Robert Barlow |
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it's already implied by 'you see something-' and the next line tells us what the theif saw; 'the beast awaken'
besides, it would lose the flow if i add two more syllables. afterall, it's only a short, simple poem. not my best |
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Comment by: Min - 2006-06-29 00:47
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| Maybe add 'You see' to 'The beast awaken' to make it absolutely clear to the reader. |
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| This is a pretty interesting piece...when i read it i assumed the "beast" was a dog of some sort, a pet of the people living in the house, that scared away the thief, but i don't know if that is what you meant. Either way, writing it from the perspective you did made it fresh and interesting...good job! |
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