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I carry the heavy burden of existence
To this fact I can't make a resistance
So I search the truth on the edge of eternity
Denying for this life any responsibility
But it looks like life is a circulation
The more you advance the more you return
And so your mind and soul burn
And fall into a deep depression
For I would like to know: can this be a dream
And everything can so real seem?
And know why I am here
And why do I need to suffer, to hate, to fear
In the end one thing is true: what I feel
If this is reality then I'm not real
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I would like to make one thing clear. I forced the rhyme and made weird moves BECAUSE I wanted to upset the good flow of this poem. I wanted it to be hard to read and to process, to express even more intense the feeling of hardship of the overwhelming world.
"But it looks like life is a circulation
The more you advance the more you return" This is excellent.
Overall this is a good write. You may want to allow more flexibility with it though and just go free form. Anytime that you have to compromise what you're feeling to make something rhyme or make sense to your readers you're better off letting it just flow out of you and get rid of the structure.
This is good work. I particularly like the 2nd stanza, especially thisline: the more you advance the more you return
i don't know..it spoke to me somehow. well done.
Buna Stefan. Do you find the world so contrived? One of my favourite poets is Eminescu and his poem called Gloss. I think it reflects how stark and real, but yet artificial, the human world is, including the things we fear...
Great Stuff!
