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Southern Harmony
Sweet summer rain falls
Chorus of gentle chatter
Warm desert red rain comes.
A thousand whispers of matter.
Droplets landing in rhythm
Plays a melody, a tune of your emotion.
The soft sand the water brings
Its origin from the ocean.
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| Good poem. I liked it. Particularly enjoyed 'A thousand whispers of matter' as it seems to smell like the rain of all those things that are caught in the backdraught when the freshened earth becomes moist. The only thing I wasn't too sure about was the 'It's' - shouldn't it be 'Its'? And also the comma after 'red rain'. Otherwise, lovely. |
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Although short, this seemed to be a very sweet, peaceful, gentle poem, and was enjoyable to read. "A tune of your emotion." was one line I especially loved. Thanks for sharing,
-RLT |
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| 'A thousand whispers of matter' i like that a lot, gives a really strong image in my head. But the line before it i feel is a bit jumbled, i had to re-read it a couple of times before i got it,no idea why as it does make sense. Just thought i'd mention it anyway. |
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Comment by: - 2006-07-15 14:05
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| Oh nice rhyme, i love poems that can get a good rhyme and flow going. Can't get them done to rhyme well myself, but you have which is brialliant. Thanks for the read, like the image of the ocean. |
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I don't agree with Teri - I like this line the way it is:
"Warm desert red rain, comes." Your poetry has a good rhythm to it.
Isn't it "its" instead of "it's"?
Overall - simple, pretty, makes me happy. Good work. |
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