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Unmade
We came unstitched.
Painlessly it seemed.
We just unravelled,
Came undone,
The wound was clean
It seemed, as seeming
Always seems.
It only throbs when I remember.
I look at photographs of you,
Those eyes that were my soul
Looking back at me with
timeless recognition,
Safe haven,
Home.
No more.
The hearts are shattered
As they come untwined
Their way of making space
For new love down the line.
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Comment by: lolly - 2007-10-21 21:04
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Just reread this and wanted to tell you again how lovely I find it. You should submit it somewhere.
If you're into that kind of thing.
Thanks for the comment.
Where have you been?
Miss ya! |
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Comment by: tcbswan - 2006-05-04 11:35
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| nice poem--there's a sense of subtle longing with well placed imagery--imo, you might leave out the last stanza--it has a different feel than the rest. great job. |
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Comment by: Valerie - 2006-05-02 01:58
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| Another beautifully crafted work of art. I actually love the repetition of "the wound was clean it seemed, as seeming always seems." I thought it was clever. Keep writing. |
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Comment by: - 2006-04-25 15:23
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| always cool man.. |
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The wound was clean
It seemed, as seeming
Always seems.
I think it you drop the 'as seeming/always seems' the wordplay woul dstill work here. By adding this extra verbal verbosity, you are exhausting the cleverness of the pun, and undermiming the intelligence of the reader to spot it for themselves. The 'No more' as well seems a little unnecessary, as you have already stated that the couple have become undone.
'timeless recognition'- great phrase, very appropiate to the subject of the poem.
'Its their way of making space'- It's (apostrophe) |
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