(Not so) Young, free and single.

Newton's Third Law of Motion states that: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So, if (for example) I get off a boat and step onto the shore, the boat will move in the opposite direction and I stand a good chance of getting wet. Similarly, if I were to be say, CRUELLY AND HORRIBLY DUMPED by, oh I dont know: a COMPLETE BITCH! the universe will surely have to react in an equal and opposite fashion. In other words Im almost certainly about to be KINDLY and (whats the opposite of horrible?) DELICIOUSLY? asked out by an ANGEL which doesnt sound bad at all!

But it gets even better'� because the ex wasnt really a COMPLETE bitch, she was only a bitch SOMETIMES, it logically follows that my angel is going be an angel ALL of the time!

Hey, what are you laughing at? This is science! You dont fuck with science!

'Third law of bollocks more like!'� states Andy after I explain why Im smiling for the first time in three weeks.

'I think that what William says has some merit.'� declares fat Derek over the rim of his NHS glasses. Derek works in our office and occasionally invites himself to the pub with us at lunchtimes, though he only ever drinks tap water. He is quite frankly a bit of a prat.

'Three pints of Stella and one glass of tap water'� interjects Mike, placing fresh drinks on the table. 'What're we talking about?'�

'Only my mum calls me William Derek, its just Will ok?'�

Derek pushes his glasses back up to the top of his nose. 'Willia'� Will was just explaining how Newtons third law of motion can be applied as much to everyday situations and social interactions as it can be to more general physical principles. I was just commenting that'�'�

'Will's just looking to get laid by a bit fit bird this weekend!'� translates Andy. Derek sulks at being interrupted, which I find strange because he looks like the kind of guy who would be used to it.

'Bullshit Andy! Thats not what I said at all! I just said that I feel like i'm due to meet a nice girl for a change and that the universe owes me as much.'�

'Interesting,'� muses Mike, 'and how exactly do plan to achieve such an objective Billyboy? I mean the getting laid parts easy enough and if you're lucky she might even be fit, but nice? Well you see that's where your plan starts to unravel'� I mean when was the last time you met a nice girl? I sure as hell can't remember! As for the part about the universe owing you'� I seem to recall lending you twenty five quid last weekend which you still havent given me back, so if anybody is owed anything around here it's me you cheap bastard!'� Mike winks.

What hes saying is true enough (and I dont just mean about the twenty five quid) -I cant remember the last time that I met a nice girl who wasnt already married, or as good as. But they must exist! They must be out there! Admittedly not in the dodgy old pubs that we usually frequent, but surely they drink somewhere?

'I think it's about time that we headed into the city boys,'� I reply, 'It could well be my only chance at happiness.'�

'Bloody hell!'� snorts Andy, gazing at the dregs in the bottom of his pint glass, as if sizing up whether or not they are worth drinking, 'I knew this day was coming, but it still doesnt prepare you for the actual moment.'� He sounds almost philosophical.

Lunchtime was officially over twenty minutes ago, so we reluctantly start to leave. Derek and I are the first to get up and head for the door. I hear Andy in the background putting his jacket on and mumbling to himself.

'Mike?'� he asks.

'What?'�

'I dont actually own a pair of shoes. You think Ill need a pair?'�

'I think that shoes are the least of your fucking problems mate!'�

He shrugs and swallows the warm dregs in the bottom of his glass. 'Ain't that the truth!'�

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