writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
Hollykinz
Holly Taylor
United Kingdom, Rushden, Northants

Words: 342
Access: Public
Comments: 6

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




When I left her

(This was not originally a short story, it was a drama monologue, but I was persuaded to upload it on here)

I left her. When she needed me the most. When she was there, dieing on the cold, hard earth. I was supposed to be her best friend and I acted like a stupid... stupid little girl. I didn't want tosee her die, didn't want to see her when her heart stopped beating and the life started to drain from her eyes. I had heard of another girl who had had an allergic reaction to ectasy. She had died as well. Her whole family was at her funeral, she had her family to love her, but Susan has...had nobody. I was the only person she had left, her mum, dad, boyfriend had all left her...because of us. Because of what we had turned her into.

She had just taken her first E pill, and she seemed so full of life. I wouldn't have thought that in less than an hour I would bee seeing her having a fit on the park floor. We had just been to a great party where we had taken the pills, and were walking home through the park. It was dark and I can remember stumbling along the path and hearing Susan behind me saying "I don't feel well". I just told her to hurry up and stop complaining. When I next looked at her she was having a fit in the dark... dieing in the dark. My heart skipped a beat, as I saw her contorted face and I immediately thought, what have I done ? I was the one who gave her the drugs, so...so... I was the one who killed her. But I just wanted her to be happy. I panicked and I didn't know what to do, so I ran. I ran through the park and I didn't stop till I got to my house, and by that time she was gone.

 


Want to comment on this Short Stories?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Short Stories and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
Leigh Comment by: Leigh - 2006-07-13 00:35
Add to Readers
      
A short piece (I could have read more of this), but you tell all that needs to be told in these few words. You really pack a punch by writing from the perspective of a young person involved in this ultimately tragic scene without your tone becoming preachy.

Your long paragraphs and urgent style really convey this girl's total panic and remorse. I accordingly found myself reading it quickly, the words tumbling over each other.

I can imagine that, with the right reader, this would have worked very well as a monologue on stage.
lasttoknow Comment by: lasttoknow - 2006-04-26 08:10
Add to Readers
      
wow i really like this one.
Comment by: - 2006-04-24 08:51
Add to Readers
      
Nice little morsel. Clean up the spelling and grammar, though.
frumpalump Comment by: frumpalump - 2006-04-23 18:31
Add to Readers
      
that was a nice read. thank you.
lofty Comment by: lofty - 2006-04-23 05:18
Add to Readers
      
really good..liked it.
1 2 Next

Sponsored Ads


By Hollykinz

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S