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see dark
people care about me
and I see dark
I do see dark
feel small feel
don't feel at all
and live and don't
yet do, but won't
'cause love and light
eludes
hides in dark
escape hard gazes
hide in the dark
excuse as phases
we play the part
I'm without and gray
echoless, echoless, echoless
there is no black and white
I can not compete
with the unknown
the expected
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| I appreciated the last stanza and it stands out almost as a poem all in itself. |
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| I love this piece. There are parts that seem disjointed and are very indicative of how one might feel when lost in the darkness. Your use of phrases is great and evoke a broad depth of feeling in the reader. |
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Wow! Your protagonist, he/she is on the edge of the Golden Moment of Learning. He/she needs an Elder.
I didn't quite get the line "excuse as phases". "Duh" on me.
By the way, if your protagonist is merely alive, then anytime the REALLY FUCKING ALIVE comes in contact with it, there is surprise. There is no way to prepare, except by what you are, what you do, already. Mortal sin (really bad habits) will kill the protagonist. Venal sins (kind'a bad habits) will get the "I" slapped around, but the stain will come out.
"Those who say they know, cannot."
So here's a pinch of salt. The protagonist is being Called. |
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| Really great poem, I totally relate. I really thought it was different and put together very well. ~ Sarah |
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Comment by: - 2007-02-02 13:49
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| i really enjoyed reading this. great words with a great feel to them. nice flow. |
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