Faith; The size of a Mustard Seed Part I
At the age of nine, living was the least thing I looked forward to on a daily basis. My biological mother gave my sister and me up for an adoption because she didn't want us anymore. I felt angry because of that and was willing to kill myself if things didn't work out. 'When you kill yourself, Hell is where you will open your eyes,' said the woman that took custody over us. I didn't want to go to hell because I didn't want to see the devil and plus I didn't want to see her (my new mother) neither. I told my sister that because the woman was mean, she was going to hell for beating us for no reason. My sister agreed that she would not be in hell with that mean old lady. I grew closer to my older and only sister when we were taken away from our birth mother. I didn't want to lose another person I really cared about. I was nine and my sister was ten. We were young in the game and didn't know how to react to such violence so we didn't.
It was a stormy afternoon, and every second the lightening would strike a sharp light towards our house. Following behind the lightening, would be a loud roll of thunder. Our house vibrated because of the harsh thunder. I sat in the attic crouched in the corner. Momma (my new one) had once again locked me into the attic for no apparent reason. All I had was a pot to piss in and a book to read. Being locked in the attic was like a nightmare that unfortunately came true. The attic was dark and smelly with a portion of light that came from a small window that led to the roof of our house. I could see various insects crawling around on the walls and by me.
'Get your butt in that room!' I heard momma yelling at my sister Brendies. My momma always abused my sister and me. Just standing by her, would result in momma hitting one of us. I hated living in that house everyday. I had fantasies of running away to a land unknown to men where I could be 'free,' as some people would call it. As I sat in the dark and smelly attic, I reflected back when my biological mother had custody of us. I never dreamed that such a monster would adopt us. Monster was a term I used throughout my years of staying with my new guardian. I called her what I thought of her which was a monster.
I could still hear my mother's soft voice when she said, 'Remember to seek ye first, the kingdom of heaven and God will direct your path.' Forgetting that bible verse would be as if I forgot about my birth mother. I hated the fact that momma was on drugs and released her anger out on us by leaving us. Rocking back and forth in the attic, I started to cry. I cried tears of hatred, tears of anger, and tears of joy all at the same time. I was hungry and confused ready to kill myself any minute. I didn't know how to adapt to an environment so terrible. Besides, I was only nine years old. I heard loud footsteps coming up the stairs to the attic. 'BOOM . . . BOOM!!!' went someone's feet. Out of fear, my heart pounded ready to jump right from my chest- splattering its-self on the ground.
Then . . . the door came flying open with great force. 'Get up!!' said my mother as she marched towards me with a long horsewhip. 'Get your butt up right now!' As I stumbled to my feet, she drew back her hand and swung the whip towards me causing the whip to go across my face. All you could hear was the whip forcing its-self into my skin. I stumbled once more and then fell. Holding my face and looking up, I said, 'Momma please spare my life!' Momma raised that whip once more and repeatedly hit my body with it. I found myself rolling all on the floor trying to avoid those painful gashes. The pain felt like someone had taken an ice pick and stabbed me constantly all over and I never died. At this moment, I was seeking death but didn't find it. I knew that she had got tired of beating me with the horsewhip when I felt something long, hard, and cold banging against my back. As I struggled to block those hard hits, I noticed that she was beating me with a bat. I was about to say something when I heard my shoulder blade cracking as the pain automatically rushed through my shoulder and arm. As she beat me for what I thought was an hour, I heard her breathing extremely hard. She had stopped. I guess she was tired. 'Now get up and go to your room,' She said. I could see that I was lying in a puddle full of blood. I found it extremely difficult to walk straight because of my shoulder blade and the fresh wounds over my entire body.
I could barley get up but I did. As I walked, my footsteps caused my whip gashes to sting. I felt the need to cry but nothing came from my eyes. As I walked down the stairs, I skipped a step and fell. I couldn't afford to fall especially while in the situation that I was in. Finally making it to my room, I changed into some dry clothes because the others were wet with blood. I could still hear that it was storming outside. I walked to my window and looked into the sky. I then opened it because I was happy to be back in my room. Momma had gone into her room too. She was in the process of smoking weed. My sister and I knew that every time she went onto her room; she was smoking or shooting up. 'God you know my heart. I am tired of this' I discussed my problems with my Lord. 'Shut the hell up in there!' I heard mother yelling to me from out her room. I was quiet because I didn't want her to beat me anymore.
My skin was stinging. I knew I couldn't take the pain so I prayed. I prayed out loud. You see, momma didn't believe in a God so when she heard us talking about him, she would hit us. I knew mother would beat me some more on the outside if she heard me talking about him. I found that situation so ironic because she knew that I would go to hell if I tried to kill myself yet, she didn't believe in God. 'How ignorant,' I said to myself. Soon my pain was decreasing. I was on my way to the bathroom to get some alcohol for my whips. As I neared the bathroom, the house lit up from the lightening and then shook because of the thunder. I was scared so I by passed the bathroom and went into my sister room. I found Brendies sitting on her bed reading. 'Dang Tay, what did she do to you?' my sister looked at my body as if she was looking at someone dead. 'You didn't hear? She beat me while I was in the attic,' I responded back. 'Momma would have never hurt us like this,' said Dee. 'Do you need help putting alcohol on?' My sister asked because she was concerned. 'Sure let me go and get it,' I said. I got the alcohol and took it to my sister. While she rubbed the alcohol on me, I couldn't help but jump because it burned really bad. Suddenly, I heard momma calling for us. 'Shaunte`. . . Brendies'. She sounded angry. My sister's door flung open. I was lucky I wasn't by the door or I would have been knocked unconscious.
Then all of a sudden . . . To be continued
Faith; the size of a mustard seed Part II
She sounded angry. My sister's door flung open. I was lucky I wasn't by the door or I would have been knocked unconscious. Then all of a sudden, momma walked in and hit Brendies with an iron. I watched in shock as momma banged the iron against Brendies head. I couldn't just stand there and watch this terrible tragedy. 'Momma please stop,' I said as I saw the different face expressions on my sister's face. 'You stay out of this!' my momma said to me. I could see the blood squirting on the bedroom floor. Brendies was yelling as she tried to protect her head by holding it which made it worse because momma hit everything that was in her way breaking two of Brendies fingers. I heard the crushing of her fingers as the iron hit them with great force. Because I was small in age as well as size, I couldn't do much but I did what I could to help my sister. I ran into the kitchen and searched for a knife. Since I didn't find a knife, I got the hammer. I ran back into the room where my momma was. Unfortunately, she was still beating my sister. I hit her using the hammer with all my might causing momma to stumble then fall to the floor. As soon as I realized that she was unconscious, I attended to my sister. Brendies was on the floor just sitting there with one hand on her head where she had been beaten, and the other hand rested on her lap. Because there wasn't a phone in the house, it was difficult for me to contact someone to help my sister. 'Is everything ok?' I asked my sister as she stared into space. She didn't say anything. I predicted that she was in shock at the moment. So I asked once more, 'Brendies is everything ok?' 'Yeah I am fine,' she finally answered. 'She broke my fingers,' Said Brendies. 'I know,' I responded back. The pain of looking at my sister and what had happened to her made me release all my anger. I started to cry. I helped my sister up and we both walked to my room. I was afraid, and so was my sister. We locked ourselves into my room as a result of fear. I held my sister tight in my bosom as she rested her head and we both cried together. I heard my momma mumbling to herself. Brendies looked up at me and said, 'Momma has awakened,' as she lowered her head back down. We both were scared half to death. We didn't know what to expect at that moment, or what she would do to us when she did get us. I took one of my shirts and padded the blood from my sister's head. 'I need to get you to a hospital,' I said to my sister. 'Yeah I know,' she said as her voice trembled with what I thought was fear. As we sat in silence, I thought of losing my sister and how I would react. I heard footsteps walking near the door. Then I didn't hear them anymore. Suddenly, momma began banging on the door.
'Bang . . . bang . . . bang,' went her fist while she pounded as if she was trying to knock the entire door off the hinges. We just sat there. The neighbors had once complained about the yelling and screaming. I didn't understand how they couldn't realize that we were going through HELL in that house. There was silence once again. Suspenseful as it got, ironically I didn't want to know what would happen next. I was worried about Brendies so I got up and opened the door. Before I could even react or say something, my momma rushed in, and choked me with intense force. All I wanted to do was get Brendies into a hospital before it was too late. As I wrestled with her to let me loose, she stopped and stood in front of me. I stood too even though I had no clue why she let me go
Then all of a sudden . . .
Faith; The size of a Mustard Seed Part III
As I wrestled with her to let me loose, she stopped and stood
in front of me. I stood too even though I had no clue why she let me
go then all of a sudden, she fell to the floor crying. 'Why are you
crying?' I asked because I was concerned. She didn't say anything
she just looked at me with a mean look on her face. I backed away
slowly so that I was almost near my room. I glanced into the room to
see my sister resting her head on the wall. She was sitting on the
floor. I knew I had to help my sister out, so I ran towards the kitchen
and out the back door. As I got outside, the wind seemed to blow
me backwards like it didn't want me to leave from the house. I could
hear momma yelling my name, and she was extremely loud. I ran up
to a house that was painted red and white. The house had a porch
that was painted green and it also had a balcony. I noticed that the
door was half open. 'Hello,' I said as my voice echoed through the
house. No one answered so I pushed the door open and walked in.
To my surprise, I spotted a phone. 'Lord, please let this phone be
working because my sister needs help,' I said as I prayed out loud
while dialing 911. I called the ambulance. I ran outside to give them
the address to that house because I wanted to go back home with
some source of protection from that MONSTER! When we got to
my house, I ran straight up stairs to get my sister. As I got into the
room, I fell because I knew that from the way Brendies looked, if
she was not in a comma, she was dead. I started to cry. Momma
stood in the door way looking at me with a smirk on her face. My
heart felt a sudden burden and it skipped beats. The people came in
and took my sister. I followed behind them crying. 'Can I come?' I
asked because I knew that I was going to get beat some more once
they left. I thought about my sister and how she didn't have to go
through so much hell if I stood up to momma, and made a difference.
Now I thought, 'What if she's dead?' that question ran through my
head. 'Is this your sister?' asked the paramedics. 'Yes, can I go?' I
begged while looking up at one of them. They eventually let me go. I
sat in
the ambulance while I stared at my sister. It was raining. I could see
from out the window of the ambulance. It reminded me of a movie
that I just happened to appear in. The streets were slippery because
of the rain. The rain splashed on the back window of the ambulance.
I could hear the water dropping down in the streets, and I could
hear the rain beating against cars as they drove pass. I just sat there
and fantasized about having a new home, and my sister being ok.
The sky looked pale as if it was colored by a gray crayon, and then
smeared. I had never been inside of an ambulance before. The lights
were bright and everything shook as the driver sped down narrow
and wide streets with its loud siren. I bounced high every time we hit
a steep hole. 'Will she be ok? I asked. 'She will be fine,' said the
paramedic that sat in back with me because he was aggravated from
my constant questioning. When we arrived at the hospital, momma
was standing there waiting for us. 'Oh my god' I said as I watched
momma watch the van pull up with her 'EVIL' eyes. They rolled my
sister into the emergency room. 'How did you get here?' I said to
momma. 'Don't worry all I m here to do is make sure your sister
doesn't survive!' she walked in behind the paramedics. 'I am her
mother,' she said with that innocent voice. The paramedics then told
momma that Brendies was in a comma, and that she would
eventually heal if there was no interruption. They let momma go into
the room with Brendies. I ran in too without even asking. 'Get out
you little,' she stopped because the doctor came in. 'Come on Tay,
lets pray for Brendies', she pretended as she watched the doctor
leave back out the room. When the doctor had left, she pushed me
causing me to fall with a loud thud. 'BOOM' went my head as I hit
the floor. Get out I said', she repeated. The doctors came running in
and said, 'Is everything ok?' 'Yes she just fell', said momma as she
interrupted me from telling what actually happened. The doctor had
then left back out the room. Momma walked over to the light switch
and turned it off. I ran and turned it back on, but she turned it back
off. She then ran over to Brendies bed, and tried to pull the life cord
. She wasn't as mighty as she seemed because it wasn't enough
force to pull the cord. I ran and turned the light back on. 'Leave her
alone', I said because it was all I could do besides pray. She
ignored me. As she was bent over trying to pull the cord, two
doctors came in, but this time she didn't hear them. 'Please help me
she is trying to kill my sister' I begged as I cried. That made
momma jump. 'Oh . . . um . . . hi . . . will she be ok?' she asked the
doctors because she was nervous and knew that she was in trouble.
With nothing else said, one of the doctors ran out the room and got
security. The security men busted through the door with their black
coats, and their large shinning badges on. 'Hurry' said one of the
doctors, 'This woman is trying to kill this little girl', the doctor
continued to say to the security guards. They carried momma out the
hospital in handcuffs. I followed behind them. As she proceeded to
get into the car, I was so overjoyed that we wouldn't have to see he
r ever again, but I worried about my sister. Walking back into
brendies room, my face went into shock as I looked at brendies. I
heard it. It was that terrible death sound you hear when someone
dies. I feel to my knees and started praying. My faith wasn't as huge
as it should have been but I had faith; the size of a mustard seed which was enough. As I heard the doctors entering into the room to see if they could bring my sister back alive, I also heard the soft, low, and continuing of their whispers as they prayed with me. I remembered reading in the bible that if more than one soul pray with a certain amount of faith, god would hear their prayers and answer them as well. I cried as my tears turned into joy from hearing that same death sound transition into beeps and beeps and beeps, the sound someone hears when a person is alive. I jumped up just in time to hear one of the doctors say, 'young lady, your sister is going to live!' after that, everyone in the room started clapping and giving GOD thanks!!! I asked the doctors if I could have a few words with my sister. Everyone left the room as I stood over Brendies. I talked to her even though she couldn't hear me because she was still in the comma
Then all of a sudden . . .
Faith; the size of a mustard seed Part IV
I talked to her even though she couldn't hear me because she was still in the comma, Then all of a sudden everything in the room went dark. I though that I died even though I felt that it was an unusual way to die. I saw the brightest light I ever encountered while looking around trying to figure out what was going on. I then hear a voice whose talking sounded like many waters saying, 'My children, you have suffered many years of tribulations. Those years were tests and you have passed. Rise up young one and live now and forever with the blessings I have in store for you.' Then the light vanished and it looked normal in the room once more. I was excited to know that it was the great and almighty voice of GOD who was talking to us. Then three doctors came into the room and told me that I needed to step out the room while they did tests on brendies. As I sat in the lobby, one doctor ran into the lobby. He looked at me with a happy look on his face as he waited to catch his breath so that he could tell me whatever the good news was. 'Guess what?' he said. 'Your sister is out of her comma and should be able to go home pretty soon!' I looked up and said, 'thank you JESUS' as I ran behind the doctor back into my sister's room. Brendies was sitting up and smiling like she never went into her comma. I grabbed her and hugged her. The doctors left out while my sister and me reunited. 'I heard God talking to me,' Brendies said. 'He was talking to me too.' I told Brendies. 'So what did he say to you?' brendies asked. 'No you first.' I responded. We debated back in forth of whom would speak on what God had said to us. It felt excellent to have my sister back! 'Ok . . . ok, he told me we passed the test and we have blessings in store and he told you to rise up.' I said to brendies. 'That's the same thing he told me!' brendies said with shock. Unfortunately, we did have to go to a foster house until we found someone to adopt us. Times were excellent without that monster to stop us from doing what we wanted to do. I wouldn't trade anything that happened to us for nothing in the world, and my sister and me didn't have what most people call, 'BAD LUCK' it was just a test that we so happen to pass! For those who read this book,
WHAT'S TO COME IS BETTER THAN WHAT'S BEEN IF YOU JUST HAVE FAITH; THE SIZE OF A MUSTARD SEED!!
