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Pity
Take me down to the water's edge;
Let me drown.
Leave my rotting skin
To leach salt into my veins.
Watch the embolism take hold,
Haemorraging all I know;
I'll not want it any more.
The pebbles turn grey and silver,
Tears of blood leak from my eyes,
And my limbs float lifeless,
As I stare out the sun.
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Comment by: - 2006-05-03 08:48
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| the last line really makes this work, i think. very vivid imagery. |
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Whoa Frances,
This is a very gutsy piece. Pictures of morbidity flash through my mind and this association with pity is ingenious- very stylish and gruesome! |
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Colin - thanks for the spelling help, I typed this from written notes so mistakes aplenty! It's basically about drowning themselves out of self pity, although I think that there was prob a subconcious thing where they know it's stupid.
Yeah, the opening line has been stolen from several places I think, it's not particulalry original!!
Many thanks. |
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"Take me down to the water's edge"- that opening line sounds familiar, is it from a Bruce Springsteen song? In return for my word 'souse', you have introduced me to a new word as well- leach. It's the perfect word here, as the reader naturally thinks of leeches sucking the skin. And I love the word 'embolism', even with all its nasty connotations! Note that 'Haemorraging' has two r's in it. I just has a thing for medical terms in writing, it's great!
Overall, my impression of this is drawing towards full immersion baptism, a rebirth almost. The blood-letting hints at a regeneration of sorts. Am I completely off the mark? |
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Some very emotionally intense imagery here Frances.
I loved your last stanza! |
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