writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
hidethedetails
kristel yoneda
United States, dc, washington

Words: 296
Access: Public
Comments: 4

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




The Space in Between

Under heavy covers
I can feel her body sticky against mine
She looks satisfied for a moment
And then blankly stares back at me
Her naturally swollen lips pressed together
To form a nonchalant half-smile

I try to whisper the words, "I love you"
But she reaches over
And moves the hair away from my face
Tucking it neatly behind an ear
She always does this
When I'm about to say something
"You look better this way," she points out
Pushing herself away from me

All I can feel in between us
Is this cold empty space
Filled with the intoxicating smell of her body
Worlds away from mine

She leans over the side of the bed
And reaches for a shirt
Putting it on underneath the covers that I hate
"What we did was a mistake," she says
Accidentally hitting me with her elbow
She sits up straight and fixes the side of her shirt
"It was nothing special. We fucked."
She pulls the pillow towards her
And turns her sweaty body to the wall

I stare at the ceiling for a while
Hoping that if I focus long enough
Everything will come crashing down on us
And that I will never have to breathe again

I wake up when she crushes my arm
With her bony hand
She's trying to balance herself over me
So I pretend to still be asleep

She knocks over the CDs on my nightstand
And I can hear them snap under her feet
She doesn't even bother to pick up the broken pieces
And instead shakes them off from her sticky skin

She leaves me before morning
Pushes its way through my bedroom window
Sunlight reflecting off the CD shards
And decorating the walls of my room
With light

Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
iris7s9 Comment by: iris7s9 - 2006-04-29 23:23
Add to Readers
      
Another piece full of truth and emotions. Excellent portrayal of the fine line between friends and lovers. Keep writing from the heart.
Euripides Comment by: Euripides - 2006-04-28 15:28
Add to Readers
      
This is fascinating work. Even as the moods shift radically you maintain such a contrast in the two sets of emotions. And it really does feel brutal and final.
hidethedetails Comment by: hidethedetails - 2006-04-27 12:00
Add to Readers
      
Thank you so much for gracious compliment. I will keep in mind your words about "less is more" when I revise this piece! :)
wayofsol Comment by: wayofsol - 2006-04-27 11:53
Add to Readers
      
I'm floored. I think that's most honest poem i've read on this site. There's no attempt at fluffy description or empty adjectives, just a heartfelt progression of desire and defeat. There's so much crap that passes for poetry and prose, but i think you've really touched on the heart of expression with this piece. My only critique would be that less is more. I think you could organize your words in such a way that you needed less of them and it would do your thoughts a great justice.
1

Sponsored Ads


Added to Library of:

By hidethedetails

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S