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Losing it
Maybe I am demented
Just a little discontented
Maybe I am strange
Someway out of range
Maybe I am insane
And slowly, I misplace my brain
Maybe I am mad
Perhaps depressed and sad
Maybe I am unusual
Or is just me, as usual?
Maybe I am loony
Sometimes feeling myself lonely
Maybe I am disturbed
And for eternity perturbed
Maybe I am smitten
And now I see these sore words written
Maybe I am a weirdo'¦
Probably I'll never know.
Maybe I am simply crazy!
I know I am!
Maybe'¦
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| I think using a form of assonance eg. 'looney/lonely' really worked because of the aabb rhyme sequence prevelant in this piece. It kind of broke the perfect rhyme a bit. The only thing i would recommend (and it really is only an opinion, not a criticism) is instead of 'And slowly, I misplace my brain' just dropping the 'and' for more similar syllable structure, coz it doesn't quite read as a compound syllable to fit the rhythm. Another great write, well done :) |
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Thanks, complicated and popeye, I am happy you liked this one, too.
Oh, and Sheri, it was Susanna who said that to Lisa, after Lisa chased her... I loved that part, too, it's a great movie, can't believe I saw it only 2 days ago!
Thanks again, my friends! |
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Comment by: popeye - 2006-04-30 15:00
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| wow......... another similar example of your unique writing talent, the rhythm in this poem is excellent, the rhyme is even better, KEEP WRITING............. WELL DONE.......... |
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Comment by: - 2006-04-30 14:38
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I cannot count the times I have been on brink of sanity and reality. There is a very fine line. It is to the unfortunate truth for many of us.
The best part of the movie, "Girl Interrupted" is the line that (can not think of her name)she says about wasting a year of her life for what? I like the poem because you bring our unique characteristics crazy or not, to light. |
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| Thank you, Robert! I'm glad you liked it. |
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