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lolly
Lolly G
United States, OK, Tulsa

Words: 176
Access: Public
Comments: 14

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For Tony Re: Richard

remember last fall when you were pitching me on the idea of
coming to live with you on the idea of putting my dreams in your capable hands all the while bashing him for not recognizing my great talent my wordsmith why doesn't he tell you you're beautiful and you told me that 100 times a day and now that i'm all here and you get to taste my words and comment comment build me up false hopes and steaks and breakfast in bed and that's an expensive bracelet baby and then i look it up online and find out what i'm really worth but not really because maybe where you come from planet far from my silver spoon ring around moons $299 is a lot of money you paid more for my dewalt i i cried when i found it yellow black brand new and shiny on the floor next to my darkened lollyland desk and yes you have a few interesting traits but none that could overcome what i've come to find is the real you.

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Comments  
InHizImage Comment by: InHizImage - 2006-10-04 07:09
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I agree with everyone else- this was an unusual, but very effective, style to write this in. It's like we get to hear what you're thinking and saying at the same time. Interesting, good write.
Yvylyn
Jamilah Comment by: Jamilah - 2006-09-22 20:19
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I love the stream of words. I'm impressed that you could write a very short story which works with this style. And the ending is great.
LauraBanks Comment by: LauraBanks - 2006-09-03 21:24
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I really like the way you constructed this - the whole thing. It's very concise.
xxxxxx Comment by: xxxxxx - 2006-05-01 11:34
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this is like, tori amos meets blog meets poetry meets prose
Comment by: - 2006-05-01 09:42
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I really like it, I like the layout of it, it's different and refreshing.
I also love the speaker taking the price of the gift for what she was worth.. brutal honesty that we all experience, I guess. Keep on writing, i love you work :)
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