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My Shattered Reflection
I have a twin.
When I look at her
I don't see me at all.
I see bitterness.
We never get along.
We argue all the time,
then I can't bear to face her,
but when I do
She glares at me,
with such hatred in her eyes.
We fight a lot:
I like things one way,
She likes them another.
This frustrates me
and I just give up.
We don't spend much time together.
I only really see her
for a brief time in the morning
and she looks like hell
from the night before.
Sometimes she'll give me a smile
but it quickly fades,
as though she's realised
what she's done
and regrets it.
I hate the things she does
and the person she's become.
I am ashamed.
Sadness fills my heart
and I cry and cry.
I look up at her,
see her blotchy eyes,
watch her wipe her tears.
I am not filled with compassion
and I do not comfort her.
Instead, I am filled with anger.
We stand together,
face to face.
I clench my fingers
silently screaming out in anguish.
I slam my fist into the glass!
The mirror cracks.
I step back
wiping my bloodied knuckles clean.
Blood smeared across her shattered face,
My shattered reflection.
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| I think you should re-title this something like "Face to face." It's a good read and I like the way you develop it. Didn't look for errors. Too tired I guess. I think many of us struggle with not liking ourselves or the way we look, or for that matter, the things we do and how we live. Well done. Janet |
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Well could look at mythology "Geminus watches" like the twist though did
get the feeling half way down of the twist but enjoyed it just the same romans would have called him Bifrons |
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Hmm, I do agree of what you have said about the title here Litotes. I think it would be better for the reader to figure it out. I am stumped though for a better title. (Not that great at them on my own work!) How about just "Reflection/s?" Nah, still too obvious.
This is a very well-crafted and thought out piece of poetry. Brilliant write! |
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Comment by: Litotes - 2006-09-25 22:30
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| Thanks for your comments. Does anyone have a good idea for a new title that won't give the twist away, but give the poem a new edge? I always liked the title because it draws you in and makes you want to read it but it really does make the ending obvious, suggestions would be much appreciated. |
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| Not an over the top, overdramatic peom which I liked. I think you might want to think about changing the name of the peom to give the ending a bit more of a kick. Nice job with word choices. |
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