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Comments: 6

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There's A Thing At My Window

There's a thing at my window, peering through the glass.

Is that thing an intruder or a neighbor?

That thing at my window will come for me.

That thing at my window is alone, afraid, and thirsty,

But this thirst cannot be quenched by a mere drink.

There's a thing at my window and is wanting to come in.

This thing sees that I'm inside.

This thing has a weapon and yearns to use it.

Waiting for the right tie to enter and explore.

Hoping to find triumph to end this madness.

There's a thing at my window and its patience is gone.

The thing has opened the window and is stepping on the floor.

Now this thing is ready to go wild,

Unaware that this thing is me.


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Comments  
ShatteredDreamer Comment by: ShatteredDreamer - 2006-11-27 10:01
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The title drew me in, hook line and sinker, I gotta say =D It was definitely worth it - a very good read, with a swift twist and turn and curve and swerve to an unpredicated ending. Hohum. That was really quite funky stuff. It almost seemed cliched, with the whole "there's a thing at my window," but your ending made it very unique ...
Well done
LadyC Comment by: LadyC - 2006-05-07 10:18
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This is good, I liked the ending. However, I didn't like the rhythm. Good work anyway.
Min Comment by: Min - 2006-05-04 22:36
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Interesting.
'right tie (time?)'
I like the rhythm apart from some bits that break it....there's words missing somewhere. Get someone to read it aloud to you who hasn't read it before, if you can, and see how it sounds.
Comment by: - 2006-05-02 07:14
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[@hulshizer: I know- my fault completely. It sounds so elementery.]
[@ hulshizer & ghostwriter360: Thanks for the feedback. :)]
hulshizer Comment by: hulshizer - 2006-05-01 15:41
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That was truly strange. I found one line that could use a little help.
"Thereā??s a thing at my window (and is )wanting to come in."
Consider dropping those two words?
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