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They should make a scary movie with nothing on the screen,
Not all that bloody carnage that turns so many faces green.
They should make a scary movie by leaving the screen black,
I guaruntee not a single soul will want his money back.
In the recesses of your mind your imagination goes to work.
It's in those deep dark corridors where the monsters really lurk.
So if you really want to get a great big fright,
Stay at home with the lights out, next Friday nite.
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I love the idea behind this, and I thought the first four lines were excellent. The last four snagged me a little. I didn't really think that the repetion of "In the recesses of your mind" flowed with the first half, and the comma between "So if you really want, to get a great big fright" seemed awkward.
I hope this doesn't come off sounding too harsh. I really like this poem. I hope my suggestions are helpful.
I liked the concept of this poem as well as it's delivery. I do have one small suggestion.
"They should make a scary movie, (and leave the screen just black,)" for that last part, 'by leaving the screen black'?
