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Blunt Trauma
I loved you selfishly,
Craving every cell of your flesh:
Greedy, like an obese child
At a birthday party.
Our days of passion slipped
Away in every direction,
Quickly like a dream.
Your breathing contaminated my house:
Exaggerated gasps, and sighs,
As dust became thicker.
Concoctions of lemon and vinegar
Cleaned every surface, violently.
It replaced the scent of your skin:
The sleazy, seedy
Stink of sex
That tainted my breath.
Your body, becoming greyer
Than I ever remembered it,
Returned home last night with slick
Red lips staining its neck.
Anger substituted blood:
Blurring the scene as cream
Carpet quickly stained
Red-black.
I promptly removed your carcass,
Dabbing the penetrating
Stain with club soda,
Before it scarred my living room.
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I like it very much---a lady not intimidated by the word "stink." Actually, some people here have an aversion to that word. I think it's very honest (and at the same time, very British--as in "It's stinking hot.")
This is poetry you can smell--the best kind and I commend you for making it this way. There are only a few unnecessary words that need to disappear, and you REALLY have something! Thanks, Amy!
;-)
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| Wow. This is amazing. "Like an obese child at a birthday party." is very clever. :) Also, poetry that feels familiar, I tend to like the best, and this is raw in a familiar way. Good job! |
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| Wow. This is amazing. "Like an obese child at a birthday party." is very clever. :) Also, poetry that feels familiar, I tend to like the best, and this is raw in a familiar way. Good job! |
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| Loved it. Vivid, exciting, passionate, funny, dark, just awesome! I can't wait to read the other work you have listed. |
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Comment by: - 2007-07-06 16:30
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| This is great poetry, and I don't particulary like poetry to begin with. Very original and dark, but also funny. Good job. |
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