[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: Vanessa - 2008-01-09 14:43
|
|
| I love this poem. It hit home somehow. I like all the poem, but I particularly like the last line "...were taught from the beginning to try." Beautiful. |
|
|
| This sounds like my sister great peom :) |
|
|
| Oh got a little confused in the middle, but when I got to the end, "oh cold wind," it didn't matter. I loved the ending. Almost got a chill. |
 |
Comment by: zepol - 2007-06-03 05:14
|
|
I like your style of writing but, it may be that I am a little dense, the following passage threw me for a loop. The first three lines of the second stanza describe her and hint at her pain but what follows seems abstract enough to be place elsewhere. Will you please explain?
"all these quiet minds are like wood shafts
that would sooner burn than fly
show perfect teeth than ask why
but not fly fly fly with the sparks that rose
from the ashes i suppose were taught from the beginning to try"
I like what you are doing here. |
|
|
fly fly fly
this is just the bomb of all alliteration |
| 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next |
