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Comment by: senex61 - 2008-11-11 18:47
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| the poem rolls like a song but personally id switch out unimaginable with unfathomable less cliche more ominous and sounds an ounce better otherwise id sell it foo fghters |
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I liked this one better than "Dread" not that "dread" was bad. This is short, but says a lot and really hits the mark. I would suggest the following:
When everythings wasted
and nothing in reach
"When everything is wasted
and nothing is in reach |
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| Good rhyme and flow! Loved the last stanza, especially! Nice work! |
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| This poem flows nicesly. The only thing I would change is "and nothing is ever right", I'd just drop the "ever" so it reads "Nothing is right". I stumbled over it trying to keep the tempo. But this was good. Thank you. |
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Comment by: Easton - 2006-05-10 13:02
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| Thank you Robert, sorry about its depressive state, all my poetry is like that. |
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