 |
 |
 |
| |
Fallen Children
the gods cry upon their fallen children,
but those pristine pools of life come a heartbeat
too late.
they cover the crimson painted land with their healing power--
too bad their cooling kisses cant comfort the irrevocably
Chilled.
a valley was desecrated that day.
metallic scents,
abrasive shouts,
and the sounds of a young man's last breath mingle with the fresh fog
that glides down the mountain.
the valley is quiet now.
the very grasses hushed by the fall after fall
of the 'righteous' clashing with the 'righteous.'
'funny how everyone is Right.'
the air is thick.
the dying dreams of mislead men are heavy,
their unheard confessions just as grave.
no one cares about a soldier's sin,
'funny how they're excused that way.'
the truth of the valley has been forgotten:
its story manifested into a porchswing tale.
sad how the 'right' can't remember a time the
masses scorn.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| Hi Sarah-- I read this once yesterday and again today; funny, I only picked up on 'metallic scents' on the second read-through (so now I 'get it'). Your poetry is subtle & taut; not preachy. Really liked this. Made me feel quite sad & reflective actually. Cheers Ash |
 |
Comment by: - 2007-06-16 19:16
|
|
| Poignant and haunting. Great atmosphere you got going, here. Excellent use of imagery and diction. The message behind it (at least, I hope I've got the right one) is something that needs to be heard. High eFive, yo. =D |
 |
Comment by: - 2007-02-24 13:54
|
|
| Such a gentle handling of a horrid event. Beautifully constructed, visually stunning to the mind's eye. |
|
|
Dear Sarah,
Love the opening. Great drama, strong lines, good words. The refrains make the poem feel like a darkly moving funeral dirge.
Nice work--I like writing short poems too.
Best,
James |
 |
Comment by: mitra - 2006-09-24 08:20
|
|
| Loved the overall pace and theme of this piece. Do feel however the last stanza could be stronger. The last two sentences break and ends quite abruptly. An indication of the divine at the end again somehow may bring the piece in full circle. |
| 1 2 3 Next |
|
 |
 |
 |
|
|