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Avi
Abraham Kegel
United States, NY, Flushing

Words: 170
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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A Lost Love

Like a flower that withered and died before its time, lacking water to survive.
Like a day cut short by gathering clouds.
Like a beautiful bird falling pray, to a bigger one.


Such is love, that we all, let fade away before its time.
We don't appreciate, we don't nourish, and we let it die.
We cheat; we lie, and cry with sudden surprise, when we find out, it has died.
We smile, we hug, but we don't mean any of what we've just said.


So in agony, and sadness, the love fades away, and then one day, we find, it is gone.
And then we look around in amazement, and ask why.
But what we should really do is look in the mirror, and know why the love has died.

So to all you lovers out there, behold, cherish, and protect, the love, that might never come back
And mean the words you say, and say what you mean, and then your love will flourish beyond your wildest dreams.

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Comments  
Teri Comment by: Teri - 2006-05-13 11:00
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Hi, Avi,

Your sentiments expressed here are so lovely and truthful. As mentioned, it's nice to see a man who isn't afraid of compassion.

JMO, but I'd like to see you break this up more into separate lines to give it a much clearer cadence and rhythm. I fear with all the unnecessary punctuation, the flow of this truly delightful piece is lost. For instance, the last stanza may sound and look better (believe it or not, appearance is important in a poem as well) if broken up thusly:

So to all you lovers out there:
behold, cherish, protect
love that might [not return].
Mean the words you say,
say what you mean, then
your love'll flourish beyond
your wildest dreams.

You'll notice I removed some of the unnecessary words such as "and" and "the" and reduced "never come back" to the part in brackets as well as got rid of some commas and replaced one with a colon. If you read it aloud, you can "hear" a certain cadence and rhythm. Of course, all this is merely my opinion. But I do believe the appearance and format of a poem can hurt or help a reader's opinion and grasp the meaning in an easier way. Hope this helps, and I look forward to reading more of your work. :)
neamae Comment by: neamae - 2006-05-12 09:50
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this is just beautiful
Mandy
Avi Comment by: Avi - 2006-05-12 09:34
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Thank you so much,
God Bless
Avi
suleem Comment by: suleem - 2006-05-12 09:29
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HIgh Five. I am glad to see a man out there that is not afraid of his compassion for love.
We have bred a lot of hardness and it is time for a polarity switch.
Opening our heads to our hearts desires in a great way to heal all hurt and understand the scheme of things.
1

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By Avi

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