Dark waters (Indigo Midriff)
Found it hard to see
through these glass eyes; indigo
swirling a thick mist
Creating catalyst.
Pulsing out turbid spiritual distress
Snap-drawing back-
Taking me into serpentine fogginess,
out into dark waters;
below an indigo mass
Precipitating tears of earthly loneliness
into the galactic pool of universal midriff.
Inhaling the indigo over cloud
Revealing a crystal blue moon,
and amethyst sun
rising over a mulberry massif.
Bellowing out indigo thunderheads of earthly antagonist
into the galactic sea of universal midriff,
causing the dark waters to shiver.
Bursting forth a whirlwind of divine links;
archaic knowledge
of arcane homage
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| Wonderful imagery, that flow and dances around, it's seems to mirror the constant and slightly bombarding thought processes of the mind. I really enjoyed this it was exciting to read. Thank you |
|
|
| Beautiful! Indigo writing. I liked this a lot. Too many colourful lines I marvelled at. |
 |
Comment by: Manda - 2006-05-13 23:52
|
|
| I agree with Teri on the whole. I do really enjoy this piece however. It feels like a wave, endless ripples. can't quite explain that. there is a completely untouchable quality here. the entire piece feels very remote/abstract, like an alien world. |
 |
Comment by: Elinki - 2006-05-13 10:35
|
|
massif=mountain
and I ment mulberry, as in the tree.
as for the imagery. i could write a second version thats a bit longer to see how it turns out I suppose, but I was kinda going for the overflow of imagery as if it were an overwhelming spiritual eternal journey. |
 |
Comment by: Teri - 2006-05-13 10:27
|
|
Hi,
Your poem is lovely, full of imagery and texture. My only criticism would be the overuse of adjectives, i.e. "spiritual darkness", "serpentine fogginess", "indigo overcloud", "universal midriff", etc. To get hit with all those in such a short piece is close to being overwhelming. I'd go back and see what you're trying to say could be written with less adjective use and more creation of emotion. (Not sure what "bulberry massif" is, either. Do you mean "blueberry"?)
I'd love to see you expand this into something twice or even three times longer. As I said, the imagery is beautiful, but there's too much here to enjoy and savor separately. Unless, of course, your desire is to bombard the reader with image after image, and in that case, ignore me. And please know -- this is JMO and worth nothing. :) Keep writing. I look forward to reading more of your uploads. |
| 1 |
|
