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long distance negates
Hollow as chocolate
I melt from your hand
as I miss your mouth
the sweet taste of your lips.
You've been gone long
enough I can still
see you walking away
why won't you please stop this.
Planned ahead is
a book we never read
I am not prepared for life
with me here and you there
too far to kiss.
Its too hard for me to fathom
to think of you in this place
with only memories of your face
and touch to reminisce.
I tried so hard
but I lie here dying
trying to hold back the fear
wiping away tear after tear
feeling the memory of us fade
into the cold, dark, lonely abyss.
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| how wonderfully sad,poetry is a natural art form for you, very well pieced. I can't wait to read the rest of your work. |
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Comment by: - 2006-10-06 13:27
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| wow. this is powerfully sad. really emotional. i've felt like this many of times. one mainly that counts. but this poem really touches the memories of one that has went throught that. good job! |
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| wow, sums this up. Great poem, constantly moving, keeping my attention, NEARLY the whole time. |
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Bittersweet and lovely, just like chocolate. I found your words stirring and compelling.
Just two minor glitches. In the last stanza the proper word is "lie" not lay. IMO the last line is overstated. Too many adjectives. "Lonely" abyss says it all. |
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| This was a well written poem and I especially enjoyed your opening stanza which set up the rest of the poem very well. |
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