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Clear
The thoughts are racing in my head
as I lay down upon my bed.
I try to sleep, but rest is dead
within this world of mine.
I'm lost inside a cloud of pain.
The stress is driving me insane.
I try to chill, but I can't tame
this crazy world of mine.
I've lost my breath, I've lost my cool.
I have become another's tool.
This life of mine has been so cruel;
lost and out of time.
Cannot get what's mine.
Cannot find the time.
Cannot sieze the day.
Cannot break away.
I've become lost within myself.
I now belong to someone else.
with no control, my life is hell;
closed off from my mind.
So help me please, I do implore,
I need to find something secure.
A rock to hold me steady for
the foreboding line.
Connot claim myself.
I belong to someone else.
Cannot be myself.
I belong to someone else.
All my freedom is destroyed.
All of the things which I enjoyed.
Chains still bind me though I've toiled.
Friends are hard to find.
So help me please and hold me fast.
Without you I will never last.
Break these chains and break contrast
of body and of mind.
Need to find myself.
Can't live for someone else.
Need to find myself.
Help me find myself.
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Comment by: - 2006-05-15 08:14
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ok, the first stanza threw me because the rhyme is a little forced and i was worried that the entire poem would be like this. the rest of the piece surprised me. this is a very good poem. great words, great ideas, very relatable! really love these lines especially:
I try to chill, but I can't tame
this crazy world of mine.
definitely been here...thanks for this one:) |
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Comment by: Min - 2006-05-14 22:42
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'for...the foreboding line' ?????
'All the things which..' lose the 'of'
'Break these chains..' and the rest doesn't flow for me
In the last stanza I was expecting a stronger reference to the person who is using you. |
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| That almost sounds like being in the military. This was a pretty good poem, but I think it would be a lot more effective if you compacted it a bit. Right now, it drags on to the point where it starts to feel as though the writer is whining. |
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| wooh. I dectect a sense of yearning to break fre from the chains of being involved with someone robbing you off your individuality and freedom. ...then again it says without you I will never last...oh boy, what to do... can relate though. Sounds really desperate...I'd hate to robbed of freedom. Can relate only too well. |
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