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Endings
You said that we would always be together,
And now your telling me that it has to end,
You say I am not the one you love,
You just want me to be your friend.
I would rather you not tell me,
Just carry on the way it was,
I cannot imagine my life without you,
Without you I would be lost.
You were the one who made me smile,
The one who brightened a cloudy day,
Just stop explaining,
Why did it end this way?
Remember, when you have your arms around her,
The good times,
Remember when we cried together
Remember when you were blind, so blind.
But do not forget when she breaks you heart
And you will need a friend,
I will still be waiting,
Waiting till the very end.
(not one of my better ones but I found it on my comp and thought I would put it on here :-))
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| A true friend will always be there, standing by...I like the end especially. |
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Comment by: - 2006-06-29 10:11
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| Not bad work at all, keep at it. |
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Comment by: - 2006-06-18 04:36
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Holly - you're such a softy, just like me lol. How true it is that we become blinded by love. It is when we lose someone that we miss this hazy dream like state. When we break up from a lover you definatly feel alienated and the world can seem very daunting as you see it in all its stark reality, and how we dream for that blinding light of love to shine once again.
I am going to add a few personal suggestions to this comment however these are just my suggestions, and not nit picks.
I would love to see in your writting a little more suggestion, a few blanks for the reader to fill in. for example in the closing stanza you re-emphasise the word 'she'. I think you could have left this out as you have already established that there is another lover. I think also that your writting (poetry and stories) could benefit from punchier endings. leave the reader with a pump of adrenaline. An alternative ending could have read -
But when your heart breaks,
And you need a friend,
I will be waiting,
untill the very end
On the whole this once again is amazingly incitefull and very good piece. So from one softy to another - Thankyou ! - x w |
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Comment by: Azriel - 2006-06-15 15:56
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"You said that we would always be together,
And now your telling me that it has to end"
That line is so true, so real, sometimes stating reality can make powerful poetry! :) |
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Comment by: love - 2006-06-08 01:42
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i cried when i read this
i just broke up with my boyfriend,
and this read just seem exceptionally well.
thank you. |
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