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Thinking so vividly about the way you make me feel
Locking up thoughts and feelings as my self-inflicted wounds begin heal
Feeling so suffocated and held just beneath the surface
Being shown just what it means to live my life embraced with loneliness
Holding your picture so close to my heart
Watching my tears fall as my world falls apart
Seeing your face in my tormenting dark mind
Knowing there's just nothing that I can do
To stop them catching and harming you
I watch you run through the empty streets in the rain
It's so cold that you can barely feel your body
Numbness taking over you and controlling your actions
As you just run for your life, like you know your going to die
I see the knife clenched in your almost frozen shut hand
You can barely move as you move it to your throat
Looking into the shiny window of the bus shelter by your side
Your mind plays games with the reflection before you
Your running from yourself
You see what you've become
And you watch as tears fall down your cheek
I dare you to look this monster you've become in the eyes
You did this to yourself
Yet you think it's my fault and you blame me
I look down at you
Your legs fail you as you fall to the floor
Leaning against the bus shelter I hear your cries
I hear you screaming out loud
In the middle of the night
In a cold empty street in the rain
I wonder why it's my street you visit
I can't see you now
You've turned your back to me
To my love
And to my care
And to my silent pleas
But I see the crimson coloured liquid
As it flows within the rain water into the drain
I see it flowing and running away with everything you ever wanted
I watch as you turn around
And with you very last movement
And with your last gasping breath
You stare deep and meaningfully into my eyes
You knew I was watching you
And a smile appears on your face
As I lip read the distant words upon your frozen blue lips
'I loved you,'
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I really like the direction of this but I truly feel that there are many words that do not need to be here. I realize that part of the extraneous words you are using impart a certain rhythm to the lines, but there is a higher level of immediacy that can be reached if you leave out the unnecessary chaff. Please don't give up on this or think this is the final product. For example, in the sections where you are speaking to the other character, the voice resounds in such polite complete sentences.
You've turned your back to me
To my love
And to my care
And to my silent pleas
It has a different feel if it's like this
You've turned your back
To me
To my love
My care
My silent pleas
That's closer to the way people speak when they're upset. :-)
