 |
 |
 |
| |
Lost in myself
Tissue to wipe away liquid pain
Red eyes tell the story
No hiding from the real self
Stood in naked glory
Left yourself wide open
To be scarred, and hurt
Bastard left you feeling
Like a worthless piece of dirt
Friends are no comfort
Can't take away your pain
Too busy with their own lives
Conversation drains the brain
Hidden in your self
There's no breaking free
From the chains of worthlessness
and deep anxiety
Then you find a comrade
Who lives inside a bottle
Gone from shy and sheepish
to living at full throttle
No one recognises you
Your reflection playing tricks
Need something stronger
Bigger hit to get your kicks
Lying on your bed
thinking what you've done
Dirty needle in your arm
What have you become
Sleep seems overpowering
Much deeper than before
Then they found the body
Empty husk left on the floor.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
I really loved "liquid pain." Very sad story. Mostly, I really liked this, but I didn't like was stanza 3:
Friends are no comfort
Canā??t take away your pain
Too busy with their own lives
Conversation drains the brain
because pain & brain seemed like a forced rhyme. Also, you already used pain above. I know there is no rule and you can use words more than once, but in this case, it didn't seem to fit quite right. |
 |
Comment by: Jamilah - 2006-07-28 04:31
|
|
| This is very powerful. Your first line pulled me in, and I was never disappointed in the quality of the piece--only in the fate of the subject. Strong writing. |
 |
Comment by: - 2006-05-21 09:04
|
|
| "Left yourself wide open. To be scarred, and hurt". This is what happens when you let yourself open up to somebody. I know, some will disagree but for you few lucky, get down on your knees and thank the heavens above you dont feel this way. |
|
Comment by: - 2006-05-16 10:43
|
|
| Much heartbreak, tears and anguish here, it felt real so good job done. I agree with Sarah, very brutal picture painted by your words. Very strong and the rhyme wasn't too much. Another good one David, well done. |
|
|
| great opening lines. You paint a clear picture of your story. |
| 1 2 3 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
