The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world. Learn how other writers are doing it. |
|
 |
 |
 |
| |
Class Notes
Kevin folded the note into a triangle. Stealthily, he cupped it in his hand and passed it to the new redheaded girl. She smiled and unfolded it, holding it close to the back of the student in front of her.
'What up? My name is Kevin. Yours? Just move to town or what?'
She wore a pearly barrette in her hair and a silky-looking blouse and a cute beige skirt. One of her penny loafers dangled dangerously from the toes of her crossed leg. 'My mom and I just moved here from Beaufort. She got a new job. We moved in a condo near Brian and Church Street. You live around here? Karen'
She tried to refold the note into a triangle, finally giving up and making a little rectangle. She passed it back to Kevin.
'Your cute. Do you IM? What's your email?'
'You're cute, too. I'm just learning about that stuff. My dad wouldn't let me do it before the....before we left. My email is redhot29204@hotmail.com.'
'So its just you n your mom? I live with my dad. Hes a cool dude, but not around much.'
'I think the teacher is watching.'
Kevin maneuvered the note so that the teacher couldn't see it and continued writing. 'So hows about u n me doing some homework together?' Before he could pass it back to Karen, Mr. Andrews spoke.
'Mr. Martin? Do you have something there that you would like to share with the class? Bring it up here please.'
Kevin agonizingly raised himself from his seat and carried the note to the front of the classroom like it weighed a thousand pounds. Mr. Andrews snapped the note from Kevin's fingertips and read it.
'Well, it appears that you and Miss Kessler have met. It also appears that you would like to spend some time together. How about two hours detention for both of you today right after school?'
'Yes, Sir. Sorry Sir.' Kevin shuffled back to his seat. He gave Karen a sheepish smile and lowered his head. Inside, all he could think was 'YESSSSSS!'
Want to comment on this Short Stories?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Short Stories and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: Valerie - 2007-01-21 12:17
|
|
I don't think I'm qualified to critique short stories, but I did enjoy it - a clever ending! Nice write. Keep up the good work.
I noticed a couple of typos - 1st line - "cuped" should be "cupped."
I am a little confused by the third paragraph - who is speaking, Kevin or Karen?
The question mark should follow Karen at the end of the passage, instead of after "you live around here? Karen."
Line 11 -" your cute" should be "you're cute. In line 12, you spell the word correctly.
Line 14 - "so its just you n your mom" and "hes a cool dude." "Its" should be "it's" and "hes" should be "he's."
Line 19 -" Mr Martin? Do you have something there. . ." Should be "Mr. Martin, do you have something there . . .?" Only one question mark is needed and that is at the end of the sentence.
These are minor typos, easily fixed. I love the story line. Thank you. |
|
|
| Good job man, I liked this so much that I'm bookshelving it. I salute your effort brotha! |
|
|
| hola ......and sure we can be freinds......my email adress is articulatensecretive@yahoo.com |
 |
Comment by: tcbswan - 2006-06-28 20:25
|
|
| very enjoyable read--nice job especially since its a shortie. |
 |
Comment by: - 2006-05-20 13:31
|
|
| Everybody loves redheads. |
| 1 2 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
| | Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com |
|
|
|
|
| |
Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S | | |
