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Comment by: Min - 2006-06-12 14:20
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Could you put 'that bodes ill'?
Very mysterious with a hint of sadness. Makes me wonder what's made this scene occur. Various scenarios run through my head and I like the choice available. |
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I really enjoyed this poem, I really liked the vivid imagery and the melancholy tone symbolising loneliness. The stanza that really hammered the point home was:
'No hungry mouths
run in from school.
No Mother's love to wrap them in
and keep them warm.'
Great stuff. |
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| i like the mood of this poem and it flows nicely, great job |
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| this reminded me of ray bradburys 'there will come soft rains', beautiful |
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Comment by: jkaber - 2006-05-28 14:36
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This is a wonderful mood poem. I could picture the scene very well. I agree with several others that "that bodes no well." does not read well. My own preference was for "bodes not well." I also thought it might be more effective to change-
"it lands inside an open
tub of margarine."
to "landing inside an open
tub of margarine."
nice write. |
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