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Words: 597
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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Staring At The Floor- Pt 1

She could hear her parents arguing in the other room. Voices, loud & booming. Her stomach pitching & rolling. By now she could tell if it would get worse- this was one of those times. It wasn't going to be pretty.
She sat on her bed, legs swinging nervously off the side. 'Think of something else...don't listen'. She repeated this to herself over & over. It became her mantra.
It was just too hard not to hear. The anger, rage & sound of things being broken.
She turned & buried her head under her pillow. Nothing helped & it was starting to make her mad.
There was one last loud bang that seemed to shake the entire house, then complete silence. She felt herself start to sweat. Her breathing, quick & shallow.
Unsure if she was alone, she stayed still. Her breathing seemed loud. Terrified of being heard and drawing attention to herself, she stuffed her face into the pillow on her bed. Panic filled her- she couldn't breathe. As quiet as she could muster, she gasped and gulped for air.
All the fear and anxiety was taking its toll, she needed to go to the bathroom, but was afraid what she would find when she opened her bedroom door. She sat and waited until she just couldn't sit anymore.
Carefully sliding off the bed, her feet hit the floor with a slight thump. Heart beating wildly in her chest, she carefully removed her shoes. She didn't want to be making anymore noise,not if she could help it.
Quietly she tip-toed to her door. Pressing her ear to the cold wood, she strained to hear any noises coming from the other side. She did hear something, but she couldn't make it out. She stood there, trying to decide what to do. She was feeling more uncomfortable, she HAD to try to make it to the bathroom, there was no other choice.
Holding her breath, hand on the door knob, she turned it slowly and quietly. She could feel her clothes sticking to her. The bangs on her forehead; wet and sticking to her skin. 'So far, so good', she thought to herself.
She kept her head down low, watching her feet, she held onto the wall as she walked quietly to the bathroom. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Her stomach leapt to her throat. Dare she look? She was so afraid, but didn' t want to show it. Slowly she turned her head. She saw her Mom sitting on the floor, legs tucked up underneath her. She was crying softly.
Full bladder forgotten, she hurried over to her Mom. Bending down she tried to see her Mom's face but couldn't.
'Mom, you ok?'
Only small whimpering sounds were heard.
She touched her Mom's shoulder, gently nudging her,
her voice a little louder this time...
'Mom!, You ok?'
Slowly her Mom raised her head, she wasn't prepared for what she was going to see.
Her Mom's face was red from crying. Her skin- tear-soaked, and her left eye, nearly black and swollen so badly that it couldn't be opened. Her bottom lip was split and bleeding.
A combination of rage and nausea swirled in the girls tummy. She started crying softly. For the longest time she sat there on the floor with her Mom, crying with her, not knowing what to do. The clock on the wall said 4 a.m. She wondered if her dad was coming back. Fear welled up inside her. What if he did?

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Comments  
Jamilah Comment by: Jamilah - 2006-05-31 18:08
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You create a strong sense of tension. Then the dread of seeing her mother like that. I'm definitely interested in reading more.

How old is she?
iris7s9 Comment by: iris7s9 - 2006-05-31 17:36
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WOW...
You can sense the fear in this piece. Good job on conveying the mood again.
The only thing you might want to consider next time is making a more defined seperation between the narator and other characters.
eg:

"She saw her Mom sitting on the floor, legs tucked up underneath her. She was crying softly."

Is the Mom crying or the kid? Cut the pronoun for Mom (She was)in the last sentence and make it all one sentence instead of two for a better flow.
Besides that, it is excellent... very brave of you. I'm proud!
1
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"The Maker"

by Isaac Brown



This short story reflects questions we asked as kids about how things were made by God and some of us are still asking some of the same questions (smile)

The Maker

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